by DThere

Created on: January 29, 2010   Last Updated: January 31, 2010

Being the 'other man'? Let's change this to the 'other person'. The first question that comes to mind if I consider placing myself in the often awkward, difficult, and unsafe position of being the 'other person' - "Am I the only one?" or "Have I been the only one? It is often true, that if one chooses to 'go along with someone’s request to cheat', that one may not be the first or only one asked to participate. Additionally, don't expect the requester to be truthful about his or her past.

Some people have been cheating with their spouses or significant others from the start of their relationships. Sadly, the spouse does not know. Many relationships are built on 'slight-of-hand' or deceptions. It's hard to imagine at times but some relationships continue for years with the fundamental reality that either one or both members of a relationship are not faithful to their partners.

People keep these secrets for a variety of reasons. Perhaps there are children involved and people stay in a relationship for them. Perhaps someone knows that cheating is against his or her moral upbringing and compartmentalizes their involvement so that ones does not look at his or her behavior. Maybe ones partner is a violent person and one fears for ones life if a secret of infidelity is discovered. People remain in bad relationships too for many reasons - for the reasons mentioned above and perhaps it is more convenient and economical to remain. Rather than leaving a bad relationship people remain and cheat.

Additionally, people define cheating in different ways. Some people consider imaging, thinking about, or looking at 'other people' as unfaithfulness. Other people are more concerned about emotional disloyalty - has ones partner bonded with someone else even if there is no physical activity? Some view cheating as solely sexual activity with someone else.

Defining oneself as the 'other person' can also be difficult. Some people really like other people and sometimes that 'liking' can become intense enough to make ones partner questions ones faithfulness. There are also cases where gradually one partner develops 'strong feelings' for a friend of ones partner. Initially, a friendship with ones friend is considered acceptable but through time a friendship may change. The desire to keep the knowledge of changes in affection is a natural response in order to minimize the hurt experience by ones partner. Often, apparent cheating starts out innocently and without intention to be unfaithful.

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