by AisA

Created on: January 29, 2010

In case you missed it, here's a summary of His Majesty's State of the Union address:   

"My fellow Americans, since my arrogance precludes me from learning anything at all from my first year in office, I am going to continue with the exact same policies you've already so overwhelming and convincingly rejected.  I'm going to slam heath care down your throats, I'm going to slam cap and trade down your throats, and guess what, I'll be running the railroads too.  And since nothing cures jealousy better than seeing the rich brought down a few notches, they'll be seeing some nice tax increases, and those guys on Wall Street, well, let's just say they won't be seeing bonuses any time soon.  And just for good measure, if you borrow from these guys and can’t pay it back right away, well that’s OK, you don’t have to. 

Let’s face it, what’s fair is fair, and we must certainly be fair.  Provided of course, fair is whatever I say it is,  not what some unenlightened men on the bench say it is.  As for my predecessors policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell”, regardless of how successful it may have been, is now, “if you don’t tell, we’ll ask,” because we here in Washington really need to know what you’re doing in the bedroom.  Of course, none of this is really as important as jobs.  Too important to wait for Congress to act, so by an executive order I signed earlier today, jobs in banking, insurance, anything on Wall Street, in fact, any job at a company bigger than my neighborhood deli, are no longer jobs at all; I’m shutting them down immediately.  Instead, all economic activity will be conducted at my newly created, also by executive order, Ministry of Plenty, which is to be headed by a hand-selected, blue-ribbon, bipartisan committee of clean energy experts.

To finish up, let's face it, some serious reprimands are in order:  for you Republicans, how dare you stand in the way of my infinite wisdom with your lousy 41st vote; for you Democrats, how dare you govern so ineptly as to not pass my agenda; and for you rats on the high court seated just 10 feet in front of me, how dare you tell me what the Constitution says.  My fellow Americans, I will not relent, I will not concede, and I will not give up, no, not untill my likeness is added to Rushmore.”

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