by Michelle Paszkowski

Created on: January 28, 2010

   It starts when you look at the clock and see that it's midnight. As you climb into what seems to be the most comfortable bed in the entire free world, it sneaks into bed with you. It's insomnia, and it's relentless. You toss, you turn, you even switch to the other end of the bed. As insomnia begins to win you finally sit up and hang your feet over the edge of the bed. You're angry, but too tired to even throw a fit about the fact that you can't sleep, as usual. How do I know? Because I go through it every night. In fact, I'm writing this article at three thirty in the morning. For me, the later it gets, the more awake I am. Around midnight I usually try to go to bed, which of course, does nothing for me. By one in the morning I'm usually cleaning, or writing, or watching television. As through three approaches I am searching for something to do. I finally get tired and fall asleep around four thirty. The problem is I get up at six forty five with my children.

   I have tried so many sleep aids I've lost count. I have tried things like Tylenol pm, Advil pm, and over the counter melatonin. I've tried herbal teas, relaxation techniques, earlier bed times, aroma therapy, and even sound therapy. When none of those helped I went to prescriptions. I was first put on Ambien. Before I even tried it my mother, who had already tried it, warned me about the side effects she had with it. She experienced worse sleeplessness, falling asleep with no warning, even hallucinations. Needless to say, I never tried it. All together I've been given probably four or five prescriptions for sleep. All of them either did not work, or gave me very odd side effects. I have just recently started notice how this constant state of not sleeping is affecting me.

   Not sleeping effects my life in so many ways. It has basically crept in and destroyed my memory. In fact, my memory is so bad now I do things like miss doctor appointments, forget phone numbers I've known for years, and even put water up for tea and forget about it. The next thing it attacked was my mood. I have two speeds when it comes to my mood. I am either very sad, or extremely irritable. My moods swing so fast they should be given a speeding ticket. The third thing to go was my energy. I used to be a very energetic person. I was always up at the first sunlight speed cleaning the house. I would go for walks, I used to go dancing almost seven days a week. It used to be I could work a sixteen hour shift, and I would come home, cook dinner, put on music and dance around with my kids. Since insomnia decided to take over my life it's a miracle if I get off the couch to do anything before three o'clock in the afternoon. One more aspect of your life that insomnia can affect is your sex drive. Although it sounds like a bad excuse, "I'm too tired" is heard more often than my husband likes to hear. So if you ask how insomnia affects a person's livelihood, I would have to say it destroys it. Insomnia affects everything about the person it attacks, and "livelihood" can become a word not in your daily dictionary.

   I am finding a lot of others who suffer the same, and that helps me feel a little less lost. I hope someone reading this relates and also feels a little less alone.

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