by Monika Johnson

Created on: January 28, 2010

Roughly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. There is no guarantee that your marriage will last, but you can improve your odds by communicating with each other. Here are some things you should discuss before you get married:

* Get to know your future spouse. Find out about each other’s beliefs, values, passions, goals, character, temperament, and intelligence level. Be respectful and tolerant of each other. Work out viable compromises where they are needed. In some cases you may have to agree to disagree. If you do, make sure that you can stick to your agreement. If you are devoutly religious and your future spouse is a dedicated Atheist, you may consider it your duty to save his soul, while he may want to lead you down the path of reason and logic. Under those circumstances, it is most likely that neither one of you will refrain from proselytizing, even if you have an agreement to be tolerant of each other’s beliefs, because both of you are convinced that you are doing what is best for your spouse. A better way may be to allow both partners to keep trying. The vast majority of differences can be dealt with if both of you are willing to keep communication open.

* Make sure that you are sexually compatible. Sexual frustration will lead to unhappiness and resentment. Talk honestly about your preferences, feelings, and concerns. Tell or show each other what you like and be willing to experiment. If you do decide to wait to consummate your relationship until after you are married, be aware that you may be headed for problems.

* Talk about your expectations. Discuss finances, careers, division of housework, decision making, child rearing, family obligations, commitment, and anything else that matters to either or both of you. It is unrealistic to assume that your future spouse and you share the same expectations in all things. You can usually work out a compromise, if you are aware that your expectations differ from each other.

* Discuss your pet peeves. Squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle can kill a marriage. Now is the time to let your future spouse know that you hate his habit of hogging the remote control, or that her incessant use of the word “like” sets your teeth on edge. If you are aware of these irritations, you can change your habits.

* Don’t think that you can change your future spouse, or that things will be different after you get married. If you can’t live with your partner the way he or she is now, if you can’t find a compromise when you disagree with each other, don’t get married. Contrary to popular belief, love does not conquer all.

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