by Deborah Mccallum

Created on: January 28, 2010

Effective Communication is the cornerstone of solid relationships and positive interactions. Unfortunately, a lack of clear communication is all too common among families, coworkers, and friends. Miscommunication can lead to misinterpretations of events and people, and can hurt relationships! The following will outline 5 steps to effective communication.

•Make no Assumptions!

The most important thing to do if you are unsure about someone else's actions or words is to Check It Out with the person. Clarify the meaning behind the actions or words. All too often individuals will assume what another persons intentions are and this can often create unnecessary internal conflict, and external conflict with others! Also, do not assume that the other person has poor intentions. They may just not understand what you need, or may be dealing with other situations in their lives that you are unaware of.

 •Take Responsibility!

Whenever there is conflict due to miscommunication, it is important to take responsibility. This does not mean to take the blame for what is going on, but to take responsibility for your actions and your feelings. If you are feeling bad about a situation, or something that was said, or how you were treated, then take responsibility for these feelings. Address the feelings, identify the feelings. Then decide how to effectively deal with them. Does it mean discussing it with the other person? Does it mean identifying what went wrong and deciding how you would deal with a situation next time?

•Set Boundaries!

It is not disrespectful to set boundaries that let another person know what is acceptable to you and what is not! One way to do this is to identify what you Want and Need and need in your life, and find a time to communicate this! Boundaries are never effectively set if you are merely telling the other person what he or she was doing or saying wrong. In fact, this can be very disrespectful and can contribute to more miscommunication and hurt feelings!

•Deal with the Person or People Directly! 

It is always a great idea to deal directly with the person or people that you need to! Situations are often made much worse when individuals either engage in gossip to deal with a difficult situation, or enlist other people into the problem that are unable to make the situation better.

•Deal with Issues Promptly!

Be respectful of the other person, even if you have an issue that you need to deal with. Either deal with the situation promptly, or identify what you would do differently next time, and let it go. There is nothing more hurtful and disrespectful than bringing up what you think a person did wrong, months or years after the fact. There is nothing that this person can do to change the situation, and nor should they be expected to listen to problems that they have no longer any control over. 

Effective communication can be very difficult, but it is also respectful, and therefore will always enhance relationships, whether they get stronger, or go in different directions. Even if relationships end up going in different directions, newer ones will inevitably be stronger due to the positive steps you had the courage to take for yourself.

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