by Steven Koch

Created on: January 27, 2010

We have all met them. Those people who just know what buttons to push to make you angry. It may be the “story teller” that always has to top your story with one of their own. Or maybe it’s the “know-it-all” who has to prove they are the smartest person in the room and will interrupt to correct every minor detail you might have gotten wrong. It could be just the physical look of someone that makes your skin crawl. Just as we all know them we also know we cannot avoid them. No matter how hard we try. It’s like the cat hater that goes into a cat lover’s house; somehow the cat knows and will always want to sit on the cat hater’s lap – the person you least want to be with at a party or even at lunch, will find you and want to grab your ear for the next lunar cycle.

There are a number of ways to deal with these people. The one that immediately comes to mind and the one we’d all choose if we could get away with it would be to simply say “Get away from me.” To the people around you, this approach really reveals more about you than anyone else. No matter how satisfying you imagine it would be at that moment once those words cross your lips you become the villain.

You could also find out which buttons make them “hot” and whenever they are around you, push them. They are sure to keep their distance. Here again, it would not reflect well on you in the eyes of others.

When you are stuck in a conversation you could ask someone else to join in and then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. The person you called over won’t forget your ploy and may even use it on you one day. You can guarantee that others will find out about your little trick.

None of these approaches puts you in a very good light. You would be seen as narrow-minded and cruel and would soon be, in the eyes of others, one of those people you so despise. Suppose also that this is not a casual acquaintance. If it is a supervisor or an in-law you can’t afford to use any of these approaches.

A better approach would be to try to steer conversations away from topics you know are going to make either of you angry. You might also try to learn what it is about the person that you don’t like. If it is a physical attribute, there is really nothing you can do about it. If you don’t like nose rings or tattoos remember they chose to adorn their body but they are not asking you to do the same. Maybe the person is overweight or has some other physical disability. Chances are they can’t help it and do you really think they don’t know how they look? Do you think others haven’t told them? Maybe they come to you because you don’t make them feel self-conscious.

When you are with people you don’t like try to remember, even though it seems as if the clock as stopped, nothing lasts forever. The time will pass. Use that time to find out why the person is the way they are. As a result you will grow as an individual and when you are confronted with people you cannot avoid – like an in-law – it just might make your life a little easier.

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