by Elaine Sihera

Created on: January 27, 2010

Breaking up with a girlfriend is never easy especially when some men are not very good communicators and tend to shy away from the emotional hassle of having to bare their feelings to others. But one reason why breaking up is so difficult is because most people expect the person they meet to be a permanent partner, yet there are other reasons why people come into our lives, not just to be with us long term.

There are five main tips for breaking up with one's girlfriend, especially if you are the instigator, that will leave the person feeling better than expected.

1. Treat her with respect and honesty 
This means being open in all actions and communication. You have to accept that, if the feeling is not mutual, she will be hurt no matter what you say. So expressing exactly what's on your mind instead of covering anything up to sweeten the bitter pill is far more preferable to her being deceived. It also means telling the person as quickly as you have made the decision, not dragging it out to suit yourself. Sometimes a guy might think he doesn't want to hurt the person too much by taking his time and being economical with the truth. But we are not responsible for people's reactions to us. We cannot stop their hurt or pain because they have to react how they feel, not according to our expectations. We can only be true to ourselves on such occasions.

2. Be prepared to listen 
Often, when a guy is breaking up with a girlfriend, he is so eager to get the job done and over with, he is not interested in what the girl has to say. But if the decision is not mutual, she is entitled to know why he would wish to terminate the relationship and to have her feelings heard in return. By all means be firm in your decision, but accept that any short term pain is part and parcel of breaking up for the long term gain. It is most devastating to break from someone we care for, so being heard softens that pain to some degree. At least you would know how she feels.

3. If she still likes you, do NOT offer to stay friends 
When breaking up with a girlfriend, often a guy makes himself feel better by offering to be 'friends'. Not only is that patronising, if the girl did not suggest it, but it merely drags out the pain because only one person is benefiting from that. If she still likes you, refuse any offer of friendship too because that is just one way of delaying the inevitable and it really does not help the situation. Very few people can keep friends in a

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