by FA

Created on: February 20, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

A child sees the world differently than the adult. What you see, your child may not see. You are the guide for your child until s/he is ready to accept responsibility for their own actions. Raising a child is not an easy task, and unfortunately, does not come with a manual. To improve your parenting skills, read parenting literature, converse with other parents, and even discuss issues with your doctor.

Raising a child can be rewarding, but may be frustrating because your child may not obey you. Disobeying is evident with all ages. The child thinks s/he is invincible, and they can shoulder the world. That is important to remember when you are dealing with your child.

There are ways you can teach your child to obey without using physical punishment. In fact, physical punishment should not be used at all. The closest physical punishment may be a spanking, which is another controversial issue in the U.S.

When your child disobeys, calmly repeat your request to your child. If s/he disobeys again, repeat one more time. Before you repeat a third time, explain to your child that "I am going to count to three. If you don't obey, I will take(your toy)away. You will not be able to play with it for a while." The child may listen to you then. My son listens to me when I use the 1,2,3 method. He knows that if I count to three, and he did not obey, his toy (distraction) will be taken away for a short period of time. This takes practice, a skill to develop.

As the old cliche goes, "Pick your battles." Depending on the situation or circumstance, if your child disobeys, may be you should just ignore without them realizing you are ignoring their inappropriate action.

You could also try thanking your child ahead of time. What I mean is, say you ask your daughter to pick up her toys in the living room, and you see that this could lead to an disobedience, then you could happily tell her, "Wow, thank you for picking up your toys. You are a great helper." Preschoolers love the attention and compliments.

To avoid disobedience, maybe you can help your child with the task, you may have asked him/her to do. The more team work, the less likely to complain and disobey.

Dis-obediences are teaching moments for you and your child. Children are not doing this on purpose to disobey, they are just testing their place in this world. They need structure and guidance, and once they are able to accept responsibility, your role as a parent will change as well.

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