by Brittany Kaelber

Created on: January 27, 2010

Whining is the most annoying, but often most effective, form of communication for young children; this is the reason they use whining as a form of communication so often.  The way to stop your child from whining is to change the way you respond to whining. 

However, before we get to the correct response to a child's whining we must cover the "why" in "why children whine."  There are a few key reasons why children whine and how you can respond in a way that makes it stop! 

Reason #1:  It works.  Children whine because it's effective.  If they whine long enough or loud enough they learn that they can get what they want.  Children learn quickly whether or not whining will wield the same (or even better) results as asking politely.  One of the surest ways to make sure your child is not whining because "it works" is to refuse to respond to whining.  Requests made through whining as a form of communication should be turned down.  Whiny questions should yield no answers.  Don't let whining work as a form of communication.  However, outright ignoring your children isn't the answer.  Respond with a simple but clear statement; such as: "I would love to talk to you about this when you speak to me in your normal, calm voice.  I do not respond to whining."  Then "ignore" and wait. 

Reason #2:  They get bribed to stop.  Children have more intelligence than we can give them credit for.  Be careful to reward your children, but never to "bribe" them.  A reward is:  "If you're good while we're in the store you can pick out some candy."  A bribe is:  "If you stop whining, I will get you some candy." Once the whining starts, candy (or whatever the incentive was) should no longer be an option.  If it is, children will whine (especially in public places) so that you will bribe them not to.  Think carefully about what you are offering your child and make sure it is a reward and not a bribe.  Bribing is just a way of rewarding bad behavior rather than good behavior. 

Reason #3:  They're tired.  Children often whine when they are sleepy.  You as a parent/caregiver know when this is the case.  The first and most important thing you must do is to never validate their actions by saying they are being unpleasant "because" they are tired.  Parents are especially tempted to use this as an excuse when you are with other people;

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