by Paul Schingle

Created on: January 26, 2010

In a perfect world, the dynamics of the friendship wouldn't change at all.  In fact, for some people, the dynamic doesn't change.  Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of people have some degree of emotion attached when it comes to sex.  It doesn't have to be deep-seeded love.  But, generally when two people sleep together, there is some degree of emotion attached.  This can often kill the idea of having sex and remaining friends.  If it doesn't kill the idea, it can certainly put a strain on the friendship.  Most friendships can probably survive it, but there will often be awkward and even angry times.  These are considerations friends must take before deciding if it's worth it.

There are a lucky few who can completely take the emotion out of sex.  They can sleep with someone and, the next day, act as if nothing has changed at all.  For this kind of scenario, the dynamics of the friendship will probably not change at all-at least not for this one person.  Now, the friend that (s)he's slept with may be another story.  If one can remain detached and the other can't, the situation could get ugly.  This may well be something one has to keep in mind.

I feel that most people can't help but feel a little something when they've slept with someone they, until now, thought of only as a friend.  The potential for jealosy and other wrong-headed and inappropriate emotions is great in these circumstances.  Now, what was once a great friendship can quickly turn into a situation where two people can't be around each other.  One may feel that their idea of emotionless sex was a great idea while the other starts to feel something more.  They may become just a little possessive.  As soon as that happens, the friendship has changed-and not for the better.

I wish I could say I've never been in this situation, but alas, it isn't true.  During my college days, I flopped into bed with a friend.  We were only friends and we both knew it.  We slept together less than a half dozen times, but still, I couldn't help but feel something.  By no means did I fall in love with her, or anything even close to that.  Still, it was a little paniful to see her with other guys-at least for a short while after the event.  I never told her any of this and we ended up getting past it, but I can't help but think that our sleeping together was really an unnecessary element added to our friendship.  Yes, we survived it, but a lot of friends don't.

In the abstract, it seems as though two friends ought to be able to have sex, remain friends and have no adverse effects on the friendship.  But, real humans with real emotions make that a difficult task.  In almost any case, friends who end up rolling in the hay together are going to find the dynamics of their friendship adversely changed.

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