by Tammy Sandeen

Created on: January 26, 2010

Why don’t teenagers listen to their parents? The simple answer is because you are an authority figure who only wants them to act right, do well in school, and get a real job. While this is all true to a point, there is more to it then that. And before you get mad at the teen, remember that they don’t even know they are discounting ever other word out of your mouth.

In today’s world, kids and teens are fed all kinds of images and quick fixes. They play games that can be reset when they die, so death loses some of its sting. Friends tell them the life lessons parents are too often too busy to teach. If the friends don’t know what they are talking about, the teen doesn’t know.  The music they listen to talks of adult themes and life’s answers.  Movies roll credits and life goes on.

Parents don’t often know what their kids are watching, playing, listening to, or who they are hanging out with. If they do, they don’t really understand. At least the teen feels that way.  They also feel that they aren’t trusted to make decisions for themselves. They want to be grown up yet parents know they are still young.

Parents are old and didn’t live the same life that their kids did. Both sides know this but see it differently. Teens won’t or can’t hear you if you yell at them of talk down to them. If they don’t feel respected, then they won't give respect in return.

So we know that they need to trust and listen to us but not how to make that happen. Some suggestions are to give them some choices that shows them that they are trusted. It helps them learn on their own with their parents near by to help if they need it.

Change the tone of your discussions. Instead of sounding like a parent, word things in a less ‘better then you’ way. Don’t come out with your hands ready for a fight but more like a trip to the bargaining table. But never give them more room then you actually want them to have. They tend to do the opposite of what you demand of them but if you are reasonable and logical then you stand a better chance of getting through to them.

Ask them what they think, how they feel, and what is going on their world. Talk to them when you aren’t trying to parent. Get into their lives, but don’t interfere or become over baring. Stay involved but at a respectable distance. Look to the teen to know where the line is.

Respect is a two way street. Let them know that. Let them feel respected and make them respect you. Here is a simple fact though, they will not give you respect if you tell them that they have to. They tend to do the opposite of what you demand of them but if you are reasonable and logical then you stand a better chance of getting through to them.

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