by Steven Koch

Created on: January 25, 2010

Today, gossip is a large part in everyone’s life. Whether we engage in the practice or not, we cannot avoid it. Every time we stand in the checkout lines at our local grocery store, we cannot help but see the tabloid headlines screaming about alleged infidelities, drug use, divorce or weight-gain/loss of the celebrity of the day. Do these stories have any impact on the people behind the stories? I think one look at celebrities “attacks” on paparazzi over the last few years will answer that question with a definitive and resounding “yes”.

While celebrities certainly are the most high profile victims of gossip, everyone can be equally harmed, with some charges being more damaging than others. In order for gossip to scar individuals or groups a couple of things are required. First there needs to be someone who is willing to talk about someone else, period. The mouthpiece for the gossip doesn’t care about facts or how spreading a story will hurt others. It is more about having the power of the story and the display of that power by telling someone else. If the storyteller has any animosity toward their victim, then the telling of the story is even ‘sweeter’.

Second, the “victim” needs to do something stupid. On the surface, that something does not have to be all that bad, but a perception can be created that will color an event in the worst possible light. For example, there was a well known evangelist who would always have another male with him if he was going to be in a room with another female that was not his wife. When he was asked why he always had another man with him, his answer was that he wanted to avoid the perception that there was anything going on with him and the other female. The evangelist realized that perception, when coupled with a story designed to harm would have found its way to the tabloids and his reputation could have been irreparably harmed.

Once a story is out among others it will always be there. All it takes is the accusation and in the minds of many people there will always be doubt. The proof of this is the many conspiracy theories that exist on everything from the 9/11 attacks, to the JFK assassination to whether Adolf Hitler really killed himself.

If a man is charged with raping a woman and he is acquitted, there will always be some who will believe he was guilty. Even if the District Attorney’s office states all charges were dropped – some will continue to believe there was a cover-up involved. Did I hear someone say the Duke Lacrosse team?

Gossip will not only damage the lives of those accused of doing something, but their families as well. A person falsely charged with sexually molesting a child will never be able to be alone with their own children again; even if it is proven that there was no basis for the charge.   

When we are born, we all have a clean slate. We have done nothing so have no reputation. As we get older, we have successes and failures and we begin to build a reputation that reflects our character. It takes many years to polish and keep clean a reputation, but like a mirror, once dirt has been thrown at a reputation, once the tiny stones have chipped the pristine surface, it will forever be tarnished and dirty. There is no amount of polishing that can remove the scars that can be created by gossip.

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