by Heidi Peaster

Created on: January 25, 2010   Last Updated: March 28, 2012

My husband grew up in a family who emigrated from Great Britain in the sixties, whose father came up through the Depression in England, then the blitz, and who had been one of six children in a very low income family.  Consequently, pulling the family out of all that, moving to America the land of opportunity, and having their children have an even higher income was of utmost importance.  Our three daughters got lots and lots of presents for Christmas; from us and from my husband's parents.

The problem with that concept is that the cost of the presents grow with the children.  The Cabbage Patch dolls that the grandparents bought for became the stereos and the cars in a few years.  And the real reason Christmas was being celebrated in the first place was obscured.  The kids grew to absolutely expect the current Christmas to top the Christmas before.  A monster was created.

Some twenty years later, there was another group of kids in the family-an adopted group-and times were changing.  Our idea of the spending demon certainly was.  The stress of how to top Christmas was eased because the children of the monster had grown and were more understanding, and the decision was made that the new group was not going to be taught the same ugly lesson.

From the get-go with the second family, the rule was that Mom and Dad would give them three presents.  Santa Claus would fill their stockings, but even then, there would be no pony forthcoming.  Grandparents by this time were mostly deceased and the older, monster birth-children would each take two of their younger siblings and buy for them.  But, the rule was that the gifts were to be toned down in nature. 

Stress over Christmas is a terrible way to celebrate Jesus.  If a family has the spending demon turning Christmas into a monster time, it is not irreconcilable.  Sit the kids down and explain to them, sometime way before Thanksgiving, that too much money is being spent on Christmas presents and that this year, the real meaning of Christmas will be explored, instead.  Tell them that, yes, they will get presents, but that more emphasis will be on spending time together in some way. 

Turn out all the lights one evening, light candles and the fire and read stories.  Take votes of how to help the less fortunate this year, in a hands-on way, from baking cookies for the widow down the street and leaving them on her doorstep, to working at  a soup kitchen.  Let the kids decide on a gift that they can forgo and give the money that would be spent to the Red Cross for Haiti, or sponsor a child overseas.

Don't think that they will greet the new alternative with cries of joy.  If you have preteens, be prepared for resistance in the extreme; if you have younger kids, you may get tears.  That's all right.  It is a sacrifice.  Sacrifice is an essential lesson.  They will get over it, probably quicker than you do.  And don't cave on Christmas Eve.  See it through, see the polite disappointment on Christmas morning, and know that in a few years, they will actually say, with a sense of pride, that Christmas was not all about the presents at their house.

And you may actually start to look forward to Christmas again.

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