by Carole Ligi

Created on: January 24, 2010

It is hard enough when you find out that your spouse that you thought that you would spend the rest of your life with is having an affair and now you have to process your own emotions and how you will handle this information.  It is even harder when the other woman is someone that you know or had even thought of as a friend.  But the hardest part is when your children also know this woman and may have been on friendly terms not only with the other woman, but her relatives as well. 

Not only do you have to deal with the fact that your husband has cheated with someone that you had know , but you have to protect your children and their emotions as well.  There are many factors involved in how you cope with the affair and protect your children at the same time.   

One point is all of the adults willing to be reasonable and at least behave where the children are hurt as little as possible.  This includes your self as well.  While you are dealing with a major betrayal you have to remain calm and not demean your husband or the other woman no matter how good it may make you feel at the time.  You have every right to be hurt and have every right to own up to your feelings.  But you need to set aside time to talk with your spouse about how this affair has not only affected you and the marriage, but also how it affects your children.  Hopefully the spouse will care enough about his family to at least go to counseling to either work on the marriage and find out why he choice to have an affair in the first place’ especially with a family friend; but also what drew him away from your marriage and towards the friend.  The number one goal besides resolving the problems in the marriage is to help the children. 

A second point is the children even aware of the affair.  Most likely the answer is yes.  Children are more intelligent and astute than they are given credit for and may already know that Daddy has a special friend who is more important than Mommy.  One mother in an attempt to protect her child tried to keep the information from him.  The child, one day out of nowhere, informed his mother that he knew that Daddy was having an affair with his friend.  After the mother tried to regain her composure, she asked the child if he knew what the word affair even meant.  She did not know that he even knew the meaning of the word.  He responded that it meant that Daddy

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