by Michelle Paszkowski

Created on: January 24, 2010

   Being a military spouse is nothing like I imagined it would be. My situation is a bit different from what I usually see with military couples. My husband and I were married eight years before he joined the army. We had four kids, a house, and jobs in the community. He was thirty three years old, and I was thirty one. We weren't kids just starting out, or newlyweds. We were married, and rooted in our town. Still I had an idea, a picture of what being a military spouse would be like. I would watch shows on tv about military wives who were best buddy's, and think "hey I bet it really is like that". I assumed because we would all be in the same situation we would all have a reason to be close knit. I left for our first duty station with that train of thought.

   Within a week of arriving at our first post I met another wife, my age, with kids my age. We struck up conversation, and became fast friends. In the next month or so I was introduced to four or five wives who's husband's were in the same unit as my husband. I instantly fell into friendships with these women. In fact, we were almost inseprible. We had cookouts every weekend, we babysat each other's kids, and we got together almost everyday for one reason or another. I thought I had finally found a place to fit in. I felt that since our husbands were doing the same job, and expected to have each other's back, we should also follow that and take care of each other. When we got news the men were deploying to Afghanistan, we pulled together like a family. These women were my family, my army family. And when the time came to say goodbye to our husbands we stood together. We cried on each other's shoulders, we hugged each other's kids, and we held each other's hands when the buses pulled away.

   And then reality hit me like a runaway train. Within a month of our husbands leaving they started fighting, usually leaving me in the middle. If they weren't fighting with each other they were fighting with their husband. I caught hell because I didn't complain to my husband. I was told several times "Just wait, you'll get sick of his phone calls quick". I couldn't believe the things I heard these women say about their husbands. And then one women in our little group went over the line. While out at karaoke one night I saw exactly how much she disrespected her husband when she danced with another man, and gave out her phone number. I was floored that she would even act that way while her

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