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Satire: Legal matters

by Nicholas Dilley

Created on: January 23, 2010

Applebee’s sued over slogan, “Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood'

This week saw a lawsuit filed in Columbus, Ohio, against Applebee’s for false advertising over their slogan “Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood.”  Plaintiff Jay Cedee, of Franklin, filed the suit in Applebee’s corporate headquarters hometown of Columbus after yet another disappointing meal at the local franchise.  From the lawsuit,

“..Mr. Carl Wright of Franklin, IN, hereinafter PLANTIFF, states that on 25 November 2009, he took his family to the locally-operated franchise of Applebee’s International.  PLANTIFF, et.al. ordered and were served the Bourbon St. steak with fresh vegetables, Smothered Grilled Chicken with mashed potatoes, and a children’s Grilled Cheese with applesauce.

PLANTIFF maintains that while the food was cooked to the specified temperature, and every effort was made by store management to appease PLANTIFF, the food quality was terrible.  The steak was tough with a horrible flavor, and vegetables mushy.  The chicken was dry and mashed potatoes lumpy and tasteless.  The grilled cheese was greasy.  The applesauce was the sole delight of the meal, though pre-packaged Mott’s applesauce is a difficult item to prepare incorrectly.”

Readers may remember Mr. Cedee as the plaintiff in a failed lawsuit against Applebee’s International last year over their ‘All You Can Eat Riblets’ promotion.  He unsuccessfully argued that the riblets were inedible strips of gristle and bone, thus an all-you-can-eat claim amounted to breach of contract.  The suit went to trial, where a jury agreed that while Applebee’s riblets are the most disgusting foodstuff known to man or beast alike, the contract had been completed when the plaintiff ate one riblet.  As no value could be assessed as to the number of riblets that constitute all-you-can-eat, the consumption of one riblet satisfies the contract.

Applebee’s International has declined comment for this article, referring interested parties to a press release on their website, “…while we are disheartened by recent sentiment as to the quality of our products, we stand behind our mission statement to provide good food at a reasonable price.  We believe that in the end, our employees and their families will be as proud of the services they provide as we are.”

Ms. Rachael Oberly, lawyer for Mr. Cedee, believes her client has a legitimate case.  “The courts have been aggressive in defending consumer’s rights, and rightly so.  Mr. Cedee is a concerned citizen, who believes that the Applebee’s slogan implies a level of quality that their product does not meet.  As such, it is the court’s responsibility to protect American consumers from such unsubstantiated claims and return a verdict in favor of the plaintiff.”

When asked about his future dining plans, Mr. Cedee said, “From now on, it’s nothing but Chili’s for my family.”

We look forward to next month’s lawsuit after you try and order a bowl of five alarm.

Learn more about this author, Nicholas Dilley.
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