by Chris Humpherys

Created on: January 19, 2010

In the wake of Mark McGwire’s steroid confession, the impact of which will soon fade, I thought of a pay-per-view opportunity that would make the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight (that’s not going to happen) pale in comparison.

Those of us who watched Big Mac’s confession yawned through the ordeal.  I took steroids during the home run chase… bla bla bla.  Tell us something we don’t know, Mark.  The most interesting development to emerge from his confession was the subsequent banter between McGwire and former Oakland Bash Brother Jose Canseco. 

Now THAT was good stuff.  There hasn’t been a breakup this nasty since, well… since Tiger and Elin.  Canseco sat there all red-eyed, telling McGwire there’s no crying in baseball.  Does Tom Hanks get royalties for that? 

I hereby propose we don’t stop with just one confession.  After all, we’re the ticket-holders, jersey-wearers and eight dollar beer-buyers.  Power to the people, y’all.  We need someone to prove that Canseco is not telling the truth.

If an American family spends hundreds of dollars to attend the average sporting event, how much would they pay to put the entire steroid scandal behind us?  Not that anybody watches baseball anymore.  That’s largely due to the Cryptkeeper’s gross mismanagement of the sport (Hey, my mom calls him that too).  Cancelled World Series, All-Star Game ties, rampant drug use. 

Starting right now, I propose we give the fans what they want.  What a novel concept!  Catering to the consumer.

Let’s get the biggest names who have yet to come clean and parade them on stage for all to see.  Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa… COME ON DOWN!  You’re the next contestants on the Truth is Right!  It’d be like a Hall of Fame reunion… except none of these guys are getting into the Hall of Fame. 

Major League Baseball can grant them amnesty, then say… PSYCH!  Set them up with Oprah, Costas, Geraldo, James Carville, the talk show host of choice and have them answer question after embarrassing question until the last ounce of truth has been squeezed out of them.  We can even take comments from audience members to ensure the questions aren’t candy-coated and the answers aren’t half-assed.

We can book Wonder Woman to corral athletes with

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