by Sue Bluze

Created on: January 18, 2010

Unfortunately the question "Why are people afraid to love?" doesn't have one easy answer but many varied reasons. The most common reason to be afraid to love is the fear of getting hurt again, usuallybecause in a previous relationship they have been hurt emotionally. mentally or physically. Some people hold on to the pain they feel at the breakup of a relationship and never really move on. But use the fear they have of being hurt again as a barrier to any future relationship. The people concerned often have feelings of being unloved and unlovable as well as showing signs of depression. It is part of the natural order of nature for people to pair up and share their lives, humankind is a very social species.

We all know someone who seems to be a really nice person and no-one really can work out why they are still single, they often have either a series of short lived relationships behind them to which they have never fully committed or they have not had a serious relationship since the one that caused them such pain. Some use the excuse of children as a reason not to date but for every single parent who is not in a relationship most of us can give an example of a single parent who has happily remarried.

In some cases an individual may lose a partner not through divorce but due to accident or illness. They then place their former relationship on a pedestal, remembering it as perfect and forgetting all the flaws and when they come to the point of looking for a new partner they find that no one ever matches up to their ideals, or they try to recreate the old relationship instead of creating a brand new one. When this doesn't work they they withdraw from the dating game and live in a solitary state as that way they are no longer able to be hurt. They often don't see how they are hurting themselves by doing this.

A few people value their freedom so highly that they cannot bear the idea of being beholden to anyone. Their freedom is so precious to them they decide to stay single for all or most of their lives. They often realise they may be lonely from time to time but decide it is a price they are willing to pay, but is could just be that they have a fear of commitment. This can be from deep rooted childhood trauma's as much as from failed adult relationships. 

In general though most of us have a deep seated need to love and be loved in return and eventually when we meet the right partner, who understands our needs and insecurities, the fears begin to subside, the trust grows and we begin to love wholeheartedly and leave the fear of loving behind. Sometimes all we neead is time and patience.

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