by Lj Jaime Cordle

Created on: January 17, 2010   Last Updated: January 18, 2010

Consider the title of the subject at hand.  Why do men cheat?  Almost everyone assumes that it refers to men who are unfaithful to their wives or “girlfriends”.  Why do we not assume that the title refers to men who cheat on their taxes or men who cheat their employers in one fashion or another?  Is it because infidelity within relationships is so common?  Of course! 

What sort of man is “guilty” of infidelity?  Are religious leaders exempt from such activity?  How about political leaders, social icons or other pillars of the community?  No, it seems that no broad category of man is immune from having relationships outside of his marriage. 

The topic has been repeatedly analyzed by psychiatrists, psychologists, biologists, sociologists, and a vast collection of social commentators of all varieties.  There does seem to be some broad agreement insofar as understanding male behavior in this regard is concerned.  Most of us share the fundamental instinct of all living organisms insofar as reproduction is concerned.  But why look outside an established relationship?

 Much has been written in regard to the “male genetic imperative”, the urge to cast ones genetic material far and wide.  Then, we think, why marry in the first place?

Many researchers and students of the question believe that it has much to do with male social dominance.  Why, then, should infidelity be so common in Western societies within which sexual equality has apparently been achieved.

This observer has studied and pondered the matter for many years.  I have read numerous scholarly, and - even many more - pedestrian, books and articles in this regard.  I have listened to many, many, cocktail party analysts (overwhelmingly female) broadcast their expert experiences, grievances and lucubrations concerning male infidelity.  So, it is with great trepidation that I offer my, admittedly anecdotal contributions to consideration of the subject. 

It is very, very difficult for any healthy, heterosexual male to resist an overt show of interest from a female that he finds attractive.  If he happens to be married, he will probably pause at some point and try to consider the consequences of infidelity, but, if the marriage is under pressure of any sort (and most are), he is going to be very susceptible to the charms of an attractive female.  If he happens to be an “older” fellow, and the female is young, curvy and flirty, he is very likely to be especially vulnerable to “conquest”.

In my personal experience, I have been surprised more often by males who have resisted temptation than I have been by those who have succumbed to it.  I have never heard any “resisting” male explain his fidelity because of love for his wife.  (Interestingly, many of the succumbing husbands say, “I love my wife, but…”), rather, the “virtuous” male usually expresses some sort of fear.  He is afraid of what his wife will do if she learns of his “slip”, or, he is afraid of heavenly punishment or of the disapproval of his children or his business associates.

Fidelity is a great ideal.  It is to be admired and we should all strive to always be faithful to our committed “partner”.  But it is extremely difficult to maintain when an attractive and willing temptation appears.  When the relationship has been in existence for many years, “love” is often insufficient as a deterrent to infidelity.       

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