by Rohan Jolly

Created on: January 16, 2010   Last Updated: January 17, 2010

As someone who is currently in a long term serious relationship, let me assure you it gets tiring after awhile, giving in to the needs of the relationship and the significant other. It’s annoying, its compromising and most importantly you aren't happy. It soon turns into a daily affair and starts affecting your thoughts.

I must do this otherwise she will feel bad. Let’s not say that as she might get upset. Soon you are no longer yourself but someone else. After all that, you might think at least your partner is happy and that might bring you some happiness in return.

Alas, that's where you are most wrong. Nothing but the triumph of your own principles can bring you happiness. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.

We seek in others what we lack in ourselves. Somehow the fallacy remains in our minds that perhaps by putting ourselves off for the time being and concentrating on the needs of the relationship, we might eventually end up receiving a reward much greater than our sacrifice.

However karma does not work like that. Karma is least interested in entertaining, much less rewarding a self righteous 'saint' of sorts. We must first seek to help ourselves before we can help anyone else. You cannot give someone something you don't have yourself.

If you want to spread happiness, first become happy yourself. if you wish to spread joy, be joyous yourself first. Misery and contempt will only breed likewise.

An individual must first satisfy all of his or her personal needs before adhering to the needs of any relationship. Only then can the needs of the relationship be truly met. Only when two self sufficient individuals meet can there be a true flowering of the relationship. Whatever the need may be, satisfy it.

Whether it be the need for recognition, the need for success, the need to experience something. Go ahead and get it done. Only then will you be doing yourself and your relationship any justice.

I suppose Confucius said it best, “If there be righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there be harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. If there be order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.”

Hence we shouldn't simply consider ourselves or our relationship as any small thing in the greater scheme of things. Remember, nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world.

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