by Don Davidson

Created on: January 16, 2010

I do not necessarily accept the premise of the question.  In other words, I’m not sure that we really do consider selfishness to be negative in this country.  But we should.

Advertisers know that, deep down, most of us really are selfish, because they constantly appeal to it.  They tell us that we should have the biggest truck, the best-tasting beer, or the latest beauty aid.  They assure us that we “deserve” the benefits that only this or that product can deliver.  Ads constantly tell us that we should spend our money on ourselves in order to enhance our happiness, our reputation, or our attractiveness to the opposite sex.  It’s a fact:  appealing to our natural selfishness sells.  Aside from ads for charities, very few ads urge us to be generous to others.  They instead urge us to be generous to ourselves.

So why would being selfish be considered something negative?  Having nice things is good, isn’t it?  Selfishness is the foundation of capitalism and the fatal flaw of communism—people will work long and hard for themselves, but not so much for “society.”  Throw out selfishness and you likely throw out ambition with it, not to mention pride and self-preservation.  So what’s the problem with being selfish?

The problem is that selfishness ultimately fails to deliver on its promises.  What we humans truly want more than money, power, fame, youth, or even happiness is relationship, and selfishness destroys relationship.  Don’t we all yearn for a relationship with someone—usually a friend or a lover—that is built on mutual trust and affection?  Yet selfishness is lethal to that kind of relationship.

The selfish person does what he wants instead of what is best for the other person or the relationship.  For example, the selfish person may lie or cheat on her spouse and thereby destroy trust.  Or the selfish person may simply insist on getting his own way all the time, which will eventually erode affection.  Love gives, but the selfish person has trouble giving.  Selfishness takes—it gives only with the expectation of getting something in return, and if the scales fail to balance, if giving exceeds getting, the giving stops.  No relationship that is built on such a foundation can survive for long.

So in the end being selfish is negative because it prevents us from having what we want and need most—relationship.  Jesus knew this.  That’s why He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

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