by Lisa Federico

Created on: January 16, 2010

What Not To Say To Childless Couples

My husband and I have been happily married for 22 years.  We decided long before we got married we would not have children, and though we are not obligated to explain this very personal choice, we have openly discussed our reasons with family and friends.

Still, from the moment we said “I Do” people have asked …. “When are you going to start a family?” or “How many children are you planning to have?”  A couple years into our marriage the prying continued – but on a considerably more personal level.  “How come you don't have kids yet?” … “What's wrong?” …  “Are you having marital problems?” …  “Do you have medical issues?” … “You should talk to your doctor.”

Well into our marriage and evident to most we would not have children we, to this day, are still unjustly accused of not liking kids and being too self absorbed to even consider children in our lives. 

Though we profess not to care what people say or think at this point, the false assumptions are bothersome.  However, we have come up with some standard responses to the completely thoughtless remarks we've heard over the years.  We often answer such rude questions with thoughtless answers – which most always shut people up, but deep down … we love children.  We have had tremendous fun baby sitting for relatives and friends, and shopping in toy stores for birthday and Christmas gifts.  We have built sand castles at the beach with little ones, taken them for ice cream cones, baked cookies with them, read books to them, and tucked them into bed.  We have enjoyed teaching the older ones and answering their thought provoking questions.

Sometimes we lie in bed at night wondering what our lives would be like if we did have children.  What would they look like?  Would they have my big green eyes, and my husband's thick wavy hair?  What would we teach them?  What would their talents and interests be?  And names – we have debated names over and over ….

When we begin to get just a bit melancholy thinking about growing old with no children to care for us in our last years, well, we do think it's better they wouldn't have to go through that difficult time.

Then a huge sigh from us both.  No diapers, no endless nights of crying babies,

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