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Because I'm trying to prove a point (and not because I'm too lazy to write more), I'm going to provide women, and I suppose men, a simple, no-nonsense guide to buying a birthday gift for your boyfriend.

1) It's not the thought the counts, it's the gift. Men are not women. We want things that entertain us, or make our lives easier. Stuffed animals haven't entertained us since we were two.

2) Please stop it with the sweaters from Express and Gap. We'll get verbally and possibly physically assaulted if we wear that garbage around our friends.

3) Think logically. Does he spend a lot of time playing video games? Buy him a video game. Does he enjoy sports? Buy him a football jersey. Is your boyfriend into cars? Buy him a car. Well, you get the point. Examine his hobbies then buy something related. It's that simple.

4) Cold. Hard. Cash. Money is the best gift certficate. We can spend it anywhere we want. If you have to resort to a gift card, just make it cash. And lots of it because the more you give the more it shows you love us.

5) Sexual acts do not count as gifts. That is part of your day-to-day duties. If my wife tried passing a sexual act off as my birthday present then I'll wear a bow on my head and take the trash out for her birthday gift.

Buying a great birthday gift for your man should be easy. Keep it simple, practical, and give it to him while serving a hot meal and you can't lose.

Learn more about this author, James Kettinger.
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