by Jacob Jenkins

Created on: January 14, 2010

Cruising down fity-9, the heat just starting to thaw out the digits, and that fresh beat finds the radio and starts thumpin' the subs like an abusive father on coke - life is straight. Unlike you though, that fuel gauge don't stay high forever. So after you curse 8th grade physics, find a gas station in that small patch of ice you scraped off the windshield, and obliviously graze a few foot jockeys - its time to think about thug gas station etiquette 101. Prerequisite for this course: Non-Contact Public Relations 210. Recommended Coreq: Electronics 121: Subwoofer Dynamics and Amplifier Circuitry.

 As covered in previous materials, the entrance is always key. Go big or go slow, the choice is yours, but it should be a true spectacle for your soon to be eager audience. You shouldn't look like Bristol Palin at an abstinence rally - be natural and let the entrance match your mood.  For example, hoped up for a late night snitch curbing? Then I would recommend the Suburban Circle to hone your coordination and aggression. The goal: one lap around the station as fast as the rusted out impala will allow capped off with a power slide into the pump. Bonus cred for: using the pumps as slalom cones, exceeding 35mph, doing it in reverse, and clipping any security guards or officers in training.

Now that you've arrived, take a moment. There will be a few haters, a few fanboys, and a few banging babes just waiting. Don't take stock of any of this, I am telling you now. You've got them where you need them - don't blow your load too early - just hit your blunt. Step out slow, ignore the cold, and let the gas flow. But don't touch that pump, there ain't time for that. Leave the pala' purring and walk to the other side of the pump. Tell that balding, overweight, dead-eyed, middle aged man that your tank better be gassed up when you come out. Always give a kind grilled-out smile and a youthfully mirthful laugh of appreciation, look at his license plate for a few seconds, and make the slow jaunt inside.

Once inside things are really looking up. Hopefully in your cheeched out state you scoped a station with a bountiful selection of goods. Nothing goes better than thuggin', blunts, and lukewarm taquitos. But always be a classy thug. If there are only 3 bacon beef ranch taquitos left, leave one for the next thug. No go on the chipotle steak, use thug sense here(see grad. course 570), you don't get no steak for 99 cents. Also consider your upcoming activities. Tacquitos are

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