by Christopher Barratt

Created on: January 14, 2010

Really, when you think about it, the only people who think that the words cool and minivan or people carrier, as they are known here in the UK, go together are the people who have effectively died, become one of the living dead and bought one. For crying out loud people, get a bigger car if you need more room for the family. Redeem your self-respect never mind your image. These things are always hideous, painfully slow and blessed with all the handling prowess and lightning cornering agility of a canal boat.

What you are basically saying about yourselves when you drive this type of vehicle is that you have done your duty for procreation of the human race, have become a complete misery or an annoying middle aged optimist and are now waiting patiently for the day of your own funeral to arrive. Minivans are vans, end of story, that’s all they are, vans with holes cut in the sides and glass being placed in said holes.

Add some velour seats, seatbelts, a spattering of carpet, a few extra speakers for the sound system and the addition of some sprightly graphics that say Jazzzz or Wizzzz or Fuuuusionnnn and hey presto, here we have something we can flog to the simple half of the public as something really new and inventive.  In the world of Mr & Mrs Minivan they are heaven sent, in reality however they are a rip off, and anyone who purchases such an affront to the automotive world is usually a bit of a halfwit when it comes to cars.

Think about it, when you buy such a vehicle you are effectively lying down next to those lentil munching Herbert’s who proclaim that hybrid or electric cars are the future, this is the league of individuals you are now compared to. This is how you will be seen in all areas of the automotive world. Is this the image you wish to bestow upon yourself as you trundle down the road in your oversized breadbin? No I didn’t think so. Only people who do not care about cars as more than a mode of transport and those who do not care one plop about them looking sad and stupid in the cockpit of one of these hateful machines will buy one.

They are woefully unsafe with many production minivans and people carriers in Europe coming way down the NCAP crash safety ratings. It makes no difference whatsoever who manufactures them either, they regularly finish behind most economy or compact cars and with most minivans imported from America providing all the structural strength of a discarded spleen and the crash integrity of a carrot

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