by Dwayne Stone

Created on: February 19, 2007   Last Updated: June 29, 2009

AAAAGGH! NOT AGAIN!

Charles Schultz, the creator of the famous Peanuts comic strip tried to teach us to be wise in our lives and not repeat our mistakes by blindly trusting others to be in charge of our lives. Lucy repeatedly pulled the football away from Charlie Brown. Don't be like Charlie Brown and keep going back to make the same mistake over and over again.

Although it is sometimes a nice thought that others will be there for us, we often hang onto this hope even in the face of evidence and experience to the contrary. Maybe we hold onto this fantasy of a different outcome because we are trying to avoid the reality of being alone. Maybe we hold onto it because we don't want to admit it's a mistake. Whatever our reason, we must also make tough decisions for ourselves. We have to give up the same old routines that cause us pain.
There was once a man who had a choice to go through either of two doors. He chose one, walked through and was promptly smacked on the head by a guy with a baseball bat. Stunned, he backed out of the door and regained his composure. In disbelief, he once again tried the same door and "smack!" on the head again. Again he backed out and shook his head to regain his composure. Again in disbelief, he tried the same door and again "wham-o!" on the head again. He stubbornly continued to do this until finally he went through the door, and to his surprise, the man with the bat was gone. This perplexed him, so again in disbelief, he went looking for the man with the bat.
Sometimes without even realizing it, we continue to do the same things, make the same decisions, the same mistakes, maintain relations with the same people from which we experience only pain and confusion. My advice is to stop. Don't try to figure out why you do it. Don't try to figure out why these things happen to you. Don't try to figure out why someone would do this or that to you. Identify and stop doing those things that bring pain and start doing things that make you smile, laugh and otherwise feel good. Stop maintaining the relationships that confuse or hurt you. Stop the activities that hurt you or that are not in line with you goals and rules and are not part of your plan for success. Learn to recognize your own behaviors that cause you discomfort and negative feelings, and replace them with behaviors that nurture positive thoughts and will in turn cause you to feel good and smile.

END YOUR BAD HABITS

Co-dependency, substance abuse, anxieties and some depression are all second-class substitutes for the genuine exultation of your true self, your true spirit. Removing these bad habits requires making a commitment to hard work, paying attention to your reactions, your goals, your values and your priorities - NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S! Start with one or several ideas presented here. Wean yourself from those relationships or experiences that cause powerful negative emotions. Choose the company of others on a similar path and with whom you experience a majority of positive emotions. Experience the success and peace of mind that you deserve.

Fear is often the element that drives bad habits. People often make decisions out of fear in an effort to meet a need. The trouble with this strategy is that it will generally leave your needs unmet. You then become dissatisfied with your life and the people around you. When you make decisions based on meeting your needs, not only are those needs met, but also your fears are generally not realized. To get what you want in life, you should make decisions based on either your fears or your needs. And the best part about that is you can choose whichever works best for you. After all, who's life is this, anyway.

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