by Krymzen Hall

Created on: January 12, 2010

There is something about being near a pond in the thick of winter that speaks of peace yet of unease.  The echo of death bouncing off the sheet of ice which covers the water is almost too much to grasp.    Looking around, I see the purity which blankets the surrounding trees.  And it’s sunny today.  The rays of light are bouncing off the frozen pond, making the whole environment pretty enough to be on a Christmas card.  But standing here, as I do this day every year, I remember the pain swallowed up in the beauty of it.

It’s been ten years since Shane’s death.  It haunts me as if it were yesterday.  We’d been skating on the pond when the ice broke and the frigid water took him under.  We knew the danger. But being newlyweds at nineteen, we didn’t care.   Taking risks was a part of life back then and we’d skated on the frozen pond numerous times.  Now I'm approaching thirty and re-married, but still can’t let Shane go.  My husband is unaware that I visit this pond annually the day after New Years—the day Shane died.

I’m alone.  Nothing but the sound of wind and the backlash of my guilt causing a stir inside my body.  I killed him.  I’d pulled him onto the ice, forced him to his unintentional demise.  How was I supposed to know that this time was it?    

Guess my unrequited need for absolution won’t let me let Shane go in peace.

I close my eyes, as I do every visit, remembering when he proposed to me, right here in the middle of winter.  Ah, I still relive the romance of it.  The walk through the woods to the pond, the serenity I saw when we reached the frozen water, how Shane sent me on a scavenger hunt for the ring I had no idea I was about to find. 

“What are we doing here, Shane?”

“Just follow me, Katie.”

“Easier said than done.  Ouch.”

“What’s wrong?”

“The tree bit me.”

“Wuss.”

“Whatever.”

I remember laughing with Shane, although I got pricked a couple of times on the way to the pond.  When we reached our destination, the view was simply breath-taking. 

  “Oh my God, Shane.  This is beautiful.”

“Thought you’d like it.”

“Okay so, why are we here?”

“I was hiking the other week and I lost my compass. 

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