by Shavon Walker

Created on: January 11, 2010

“So are you changing your last name?”  Before she even considers the dress, the location, or reception, this is one of the most difficult questions a future bride must ponder.  Tradition dictates that she do so, but many women nowadays—as many as thirty percent, according to a study done by Indiana University in 2009—choose to keep their names.

Part of the reason for this is because women are starting to marry later. Women in their thirties and beyond often have established careers before marriage. As a result, they’re known by their maiden names. Journalists and writers, in particular, are prone to keeping their names. Barbara Walters and Maya Angelou are perfect examples of this—a lucky thing, since each got married more than once.

Another reason is that names are part of our identity, regardless of gender. Some women feel it’s unfair to give theirs up in favor someone else’s. And if the woman is the last of her line, or has a unique or special name, keeping it may be extremely important to her.

A last issue in the name game is that changing one’s name can be downright tedious. Social Security has to be notified, and the rest of a woman’s legal documents must be changed too, like driver’s licenses, insurance companies, creditors, and so on. If a bride can avoid potential snafus in this area, she should take it.

One solution to the problem is to use the maiden name legally and the married name socially. When I’m among mutual friends, I’m “Mrs Y.” At work and on legal documents, however, I’m “Ms. X.” This keeps everyone happy (especially payroll). The only time I ran into a problem is right after the wedding, when my husband and I got checks addressed to “Mr and Mrs. Y”. But when he explained the situation to the bank, they allowed him to cash the check to his account. Most banks are this accommodating, especially if you’re a regular customer.

The bottom line is, whether or not a woman changes her name is her decision alone, and shouldn’t be influenced by tradition or anything else. On an episode of “The Tyra Show” in January 2010, a viewer asked a similar question of Tyra’s advice panel. While the advisors’ opinions varied, the hostess gave her the best advice of all: “If your husband loves and respects you, he’ll honor your choice.” And so will everyone else.

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