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Humor: Dieting

by Chris Torgersen

Created on: January 11, 2010

Three New Diets Examined

New diet fads seem to come along every few months, with self-described experts admonishing us for eating too many carbs or telling us we need to get out and run. We are told to alter our diet depending on our blood type or to exercise only at certain times of day. Keeping track of everything we are supposed to do or not do is a workout in itself, and the advice seems to change constantly.

Today I will review three of the newest diets to hit the mainstream, each with its own catchy title. I have sought out expert opinions and interviewed real people who have tried them in order to help you decide which one may work best for you.

- "Eat Less Stuff"

The first new diet plan I will review is "Eat Less Stuff" (ELS to those in the know). Its premise is simple yet revolutionary: you can lose weight by eating less.

"There's all this garbage out there about not eating carbs or eating more vegetables and all that," says Dr. Eugene Blank, who introduced the plan with a series of lectures and is co-authoring a book about it. "It's all crap. Just eat what you eat now, but less."

Dr. Blank's story is quite amazing. He dropped out of school in eighth grade in order to watch more television. In the process, he found himself packing on the pounds. Diet fad after diet fad came and went, but he couldn't seem to shake the weight. Finally, he decided to eat less, and the pounds came off. He proclaimed himself a doctor and began his lecture series at the local supermarket.

"I started talking to people in the store, and then they just kind of gathered around," he says. "So I just kept talking. I told them about how I stopped eating so much and I lost weight, and they thought that was pretty cool. I just kept saying whatever came to mind because they just kept listening, and now they tell me I have a book coming out. I think that's kind of cool. God bless America."

Sandra Stoddard of Flint, MI, began the "Eat Less Stuff" diet in 2009 and shed 40 pounds in just two months, whittling her 5'7" frame down to just 71 pounds. I visited her in her vacation home at the Center for Eating Disorders in Ann Arbor to get her thoughts on the diet.

"It was remarkable," she said. "I'm still a bit plump around the middle, I think, but another month or so and I'll finally be as thin as I've always wanted to be. Maybe I can fit in my eighth grade graduation dress again!"

Ms. Stoddard first heard about the plan from a friend, who invited her to one of Dr. Blank's lectures.

"It

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