by Olivia Emisar

Created on: January 10, 2010

We have all heard that "once a cheater always a cheater" phrase and the warning issued by every mother to her daughter.  There is some truth to this axiom and we often use to include everyone who has ever cheated, even if they only cheated once and, do I dare say it? With a valid reason.

Before you start muttering nasty words under your breath, take a minute to consider someone who is so utterly lonely, starving for human contact and real affection that would be willing to walk over hot coals to just get a taste of kindness and love, even if for only a few minutes.

Some people are truly stuck in their relationships and they have no way out, typically it involves a long-term disability or chronic illness that will keep them in the role of caregiver to their spouses for decades on end.  For many, their husbands/wives have become their patient in perpetuity and they no longer share a relationship as partners.  They are not your typical couple who fall out of love and can end a relationship and start a new one. 

Before we start throwing statements around like "Nursing home" "divorce" "hired help" let's realize that in many cases not one of those is financially feasible and to their spouses and families it would be emotionally devastating.  Sacrifices are made and needs squelched for decades.

Would you consider it "cheating" if one time in a decade, the caregiver finds a kindred soul and feels like a man/woman instead of a caregiver?  

What if they have a long-term relationship with someone who loves them and cares about them while still not failing to provide for all the physical and emotional care their wife/husband needs?  Some people would call that cheating but I reserve my judgment because I have known too many people in these situations and it is heartbreaking to be so young and be caught between a rock and a hard place for what seems like an eternity. 

Another example I can share with you is a woman that had been physically and verbally abused by her husband on a regular basis.  She met a man who was consistently degraded and humiliated by his wife.  Both of them knew they were headed for divorce but met each other before their marriages were dissolved and a sympathetic ear turned into a nurturing relationship.  Neither one of them has had any reason to look at another and count their blessings they have found each other.  Under those circumstances would we call that cheating? 

What we typically refer as "cheaters" and fit the statement of "once a cheater, always a cheater" are those people who are addicted to the quest of excitement and the thrill of secrecy.  These men and women need a "fix" to feel sexy, desirable and reassured that they are still young.  Anyone who is addicted to the power of manipulating other people and re-creating a sense of adventure and mystery fits the old axiom to a "T"

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