by Dan Williams

Created on: January 09, 2010

Time, and poor choices reflected, by a path of heartbreak, tears, confused children and parents bewildered and weary. Yes, my life has had adversity, caused by poor choices in relationships, eyes of judgement by others, and pursuing my own demons seeking answers for my poor decision making. Through Native American spirituality, my parents undying love I pushed through life, with self destructive tendencies, believing I was not worth the time of day. Frequently I would make poor decisions rescuing others, making myself feel life was worthwhile.

In life, regrets occur, which allow us to build character and integrity. This only occurs if we allow humility to envelope us and recognize our mistakes. It wasn't until I was writing my published memoir that she came along. Fate, that questionable occurrence that is frequently debated on whether it even exists. She looked at me with eyes of love and acceptance and a smile that was full of joy. We rarely in life are able to draw conclusions from a first glance. We read about it, watch movies about, trust me, it can happen and it can be very, very real. Adversity is real. Life trauma is real. My sexual abuse was real. My divorces were real. My dear reader this love and all accepting friendship is very real. 

Although not legally married with a binding piece of paper, we are clearly spiritually married. She tells me she loves me, not through prose and the written word as much as with her eyes, laughter, hugs, and support. Thank her for standing by me during the process of writing my memoir would be too trivial, and mundane. This article will never do her justice. Her drying of my tears, dealing with my anger, frustration, as well as a slight caress of my hand is worth more than any materialistic want. When I am stressed she tells me to meditate on a blade of grass. Why? She got me a blade of grass, a single strand from where we stood during our first kiss. She framed this blade of grass and wanted me to remember the power in a simple blade of nature's beauty. Thank you my love. Thank you for standing by me, and for accepting all of me.

Unconditional love is like that, the forgiveness of past issues, the love of the present moment, and the fantasy of our future that strengthens our love and connection. I thank her for being there during my flashbacks of abuse, loving my children, and teaching me by actions that I am a good person, and it is not arrogance but self confidence to believe that. She is my truly best friend.

In my fifth decade of life I have become more fortunate than anyone I know. I have won the lottery, I have reached  a place of inner peace, and I know what true love is. A woman that truly appreciates me, and wants to be by my side. If I were to leave this earth tomorrow, I am a better man and have no regrets how my life played out. Thank you my love. You will never really know how important you are to me, and how much you inspire me every day. 

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