by P J Scanland

Created on: January 08, 2010

The most important thing in any relationship is talking to your partner about any and all issues that come up between you. In a long distance relationship this is even more critical.

Don’t assume the other person is feeling the same as you about all the time you spend apart. Keep talking to each other about your long range plans to be sure you are still of the same opinion.

Make plans to get together as often as you can. It’s important that you meet and interact with each other’s friends and family. They will always have some influence over your opinion. Be sure you fit comfortably into every aspect of each other’s lives.

Be honest with each other about your ability to maintain the level of commitment you decided on when the relationship began. Trust is a big part of this. If you feel that you can no longer maintain a monogamous commitment, be honest about it. Your partner is counting on you for that.

Spend some time in neutral territory. Take small vacations together to get to know what it’s like to be alone together in an unfamiliar place. Rent a car and drive in a place that is new to both of you. That could bring out a whole new side you have never seen before.

When you cannot be together be sure to keep in touch with email, text messages and phone calls. The convenience of email and text messages makes communication easy.  But, the give and take of a daily phone conversation will make it seem you are nearer than you are. Listening to voice inflection when you are talking can often say more about how a person is feeling than the actual words they are saying. Sending cards and small gifts in the mail is also a nice way to show you are willing to go to that extra effort to make them smile.

In trying to decide which one of you needs to relocate be sure to investigate all aspects of that move. How is the job market for you in the new location? Will you live in the other person’s home or start out in a new place? Will you buy or rent? Relocation is a big decision and means that one person is giving up their existing life in order to start over. It could also mean a significant cash outlay for movers and perhaps a period of unemployment while waiting to find a new job. A move should only be made when you are both sure it is what you want.

If things are going well and the relationship seems to be progressing, then you need to discuss an end point for the separation.  It will make the distance easier to handle if you are working toward a common goal to be together on a full-time basis. If things are not going well then perhaps it is time to end it and move on to something less stressful. Either way, no one can wait on a decision forever.

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