by Debbie Todd

Created on: January 08, 2010

When children are adopted, the aim of the process is to give the children a family life, equal to that enjoyed by children who live within their birth families.  Unless this is the intention of the parents, then they should foster rather than adopt.  Being able to return children with behavioural problems to the state just puts children on an equal footing with purchased commodities - "it doesn't work properly, so I'll take it back to the shop and get a refund or a replacement".  How dare anybody think that precious children can be treated in this way.  Yes, they do present problems, all children do - this is part of being a parent.  They are all precious and all deserve to be treated in a manner which will reflect that.  

Imagine the damage that would be caused to children who were returned to the state by adoptive parents who experienced behavioural problems.  What if a child were adopted as a baby and started acting out at the age of 15 or 16 and the parents returned the child to the state.  I would say that parents who would be willing to act in such a way are displaying worse behavioural problems than the child they adopted!  What would society do with these children?  Would we try to palm them off on other adoptive parents or would they be stuck in the state system of children's homes until they are old enough to live as adults (usually at 16 for these kids, which is really tough).  Would the parents that had returned a child to the state then be allowed to adopt another 'replacement' child as one would be given a replacement when returning faulty goods to a shop?  

A system that would allow this to happen would not recognise adopted kids and adoptive parents as being on an equal footing with kids who live with their birth families.  Kids should feel safe and secure within their families - that's what family is all about.  Parents are the people who love you on an unconditional basis.  All parents feel at the end of their tether at times, I know I have plenty of times.  But I also feel that it is a real privilege to be a parent and have always tried to keep that in mind during the tough times.  My children have now left home and I was devastated when they did so.  However hard it is to be a parent, I have found it a great deal harder not being a parent!

On a lighter note, why should adoptive parents get to take their kids back if the rest of us are not allowed to!  The equality thing should work both ways here.  If adoptive parents were allowed to return kids with behavioural problems, so should the rest of us parents be allowed to.  There would be absolute chaos as parents all over the world turned up at state centres with teenagers who had been acting up, caught smoking or drinking or having sex!  That's what kids do is have behavioural problems.  It's up to us as parents to find creative ways of solving those behavioural problems in order to help them become responsible adults a few years down the line!

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