by Suzanne Bertrand

Created on: January 08, 2010

Parents shudder when they hear backtalk from a child. Dealing with it on the spot is the best way to quickly cure a child of backtalk.

Backtalk is a negative behavior pattern that involves badgering and nagging in an attempt to get the last word. Often children will backtalk after they have been given a reasonable explanation. As a parent, it is easy to get stuck in a trap laboring over the decision. When the child wins at successfully engaging the parent, backtalk becomes a typical scenario.

 *Establish rules

Think about the behaviors that are not acceptable. Be specific in identifying what is allowed and what is not acceptable. Letting a child know what behavior will not be tolerated, will help the child to learn healthy boundaries. It does not mean that children will never backtalk once the household rule is established. Talking about household rules during calm periods helps everyone to understand the limits that have been stated. Later when it occurs, the child will be aware of the boundary that has already been established.

 *Stop conversation

When a parent hears backtalk from a child, they need to remind the child that this is backtalk. Letting the child know that this is disrespectful behavior and walking away, should end the conversation. This makes a firm statement to the child that the conversation is over. Engaging in conversation at this point is typically futile.

 *Set consequences

A child might try to engage the parent further in an attempt to obtain what is wanted. It can be easy to give in at this point. The parent might be making dinner or trying to have another conversation. If the behavior is continuing then give the child a consequence. The consequence will depend on the age of the child. It can be a time out, loss of television, activity, or other treasured item. The purpose of this is to give the child a moment to rethink the behavior. If the consequence is seen as a loss to the child, than the behavior may not be repeated again.

 *Expect respect

Modeling respectful behavior will teach children to learn this value. When respectfulness is adapted as part of family life it becomes expected. This consistency helps children to know what to expect. Having respect within a family helps kids to know they are safe and loved.

Backtalk sometimes appears for a reason. Determining the cause will help to identify how to handle the behavior. Sometimes backtalk can have an attention seeking component. This can become a behavioral pattern to get parental attention. By not engaging in negative attention it will help to break the cycle. At different stages, backtalk could be age related. Tiredness, stress, and difficulty at school can start an influx of backtalk. Make sure a child is not mimicking someone in the household. If an adult speaks in a harsh confrontational manner, it may be a learned behavior. Making household changes to discourage this kind of talk may help.

 Backtalk is a behavior that the parent establishes as unwanted. Without engaging in this behavior, it will keep it from escalating. Turn attention to any positive actions that the child demonstrates. Recognizing efforts that the child puts forward in the household will build a foundation for change. With the various phases that children go through in childhood, backtalk will soon become one of them.

Learn more about this author, Suzanne Bertrand.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.