by Michele Mccullough

Created on: January 07, 2010

Low self-esteem is like a poison. It creeps into a person's mind and grows like a bad weed throughout years of constant watering. So slowly does it plant itself into ones mind that it is not noticed until it is so deeply implanted there seems no way out.

Often beginning in childhood, self-esteem is built when parents encourage or discourage, peers accept or reject, teachers praise or criticize. From the youngest age we are equipped to feel the way others make us feel, loved and accepted or rejected. When the rejection takes priority over all else, one has a tendency to build up walls to block out hurt.

Years of dealing with more rejection than acceptance have a way of creating a personality with a deep disrespect for another persons feelings and an overall sense of mistrust in relationships. The saying "you must love yourself in order to love others" is more truthful than most people understand.

In a relationship, both parties must trust and believe in one another. When one partner has low self-esteem, it is like a poison to the other. This person is afflicted with believing that there is always harm being done to them, therefore causing the other person to feel trapped. Knowing they are an honest and open person with no ill intentions toward their partner, they feel hurt and angry at consistently not being trusted.

The problem is not them but the partner with low self-esteem feeling as though all wrong is always done to them. At the slightest sign of something being out of the normal routine, they are automatically suspicious and thoughts of being wronged begin to form in their head causing turmoil in their feelings. This is then passed on to the innocent partner, who has done nothing wrong except possibly be a little late coming home.

Dealing with a person with low self-esteem is a trying experience. Loving them and building trust over time pays off if the person learns to believe in you and most importantly,in  them self. The behaviors they have can be toxic to your relationship if you let them be. Finding an outlet, such as karate classes, which are very good at building self esteem, can go a long way in repairing the mind. Looking for ways to deal with the incidents that occur and not getting angry,offended, and hurt also help to keep things going smoothly.

Although it is a natural reaction to feel hurt, you must remember that low self esteem is like a sickness that needs curing and you are not the cause of it. Feelings of guilt often are the first to arise, as though you did do something wrong, but because you have your self-esteem and know you didn't do anything wrong, think of ways to deal with their problem and set yourself aside from it. If the partner's problems are not too deeply set, love,patience, and understanding will eventually gain trust and they will begin to believe in them self again. However, if the problems are deeper than that, get help.

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