by P J Scanland

Created on: January 06, 2010

When you first meet someone it's hard to predict how long the relationship will last. If you live in the same town you have the time and opportunity to fully explore your compatibility. Even then a new relationship is not without problems. When the distance is so great that you are only able to get together a few times a year, a quality relationship is more challenging but not impossible.

The first thing to decide is the level of commitment you are both willing to make. If the relationship is worth pursuing at a distance, it should be worth it to you to be monogamous for whatever time is needed to allow it to run its course.  Trust is a big part of this decision.  If you cannot trust that the other person is holding up their end of the bargain then you will not have the kind of relationship you have in mind.  If that is the case, you are better off considering it a friendship rather than long-term romantic commitment.

 If you agree on the level of commitment you want, then make plans to get together as often as you can. It’s important that you meet and interact with each other’s friends and family.  Although that compatibility should not be your primary concern, friends and family will influence your new honey when you are not around. You need to get to know them and they need to know you.

Spend time in neutral territory as well.  Take small vacations away from the influence of all family and friends. Get to know what it’s like to spend time alone together. You need to identify what stresses you in being together, not just the stress of being apart. Rent a car and drive in a place that is new to both of you.  That could bring out a whole new side you have never seen before.

You are probably trying to decide if one of you needs to relocate in order to live with the other.  This is a big decision and means that one person is giving up their entire lifestyle in order to fit into the other person’s world. Extensive plans are required to make this happen including a possible job search in the new location and maybe even a home sale or purchase. A move should only be made when you are both sure that is what you want.

When you cannot be together be sure to keep in touch with email, text messages and phone calls.  The convenience of email and text messages is wonderful, but the give and take of a daily phone conversation will make it seem more like you are just across town instead of across the country.

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