by Barbara Stockton

Created on: January 05, 2010   Last Updated: January 16, 2010

A marriage consists of two adults not two adults and a child.  The child constitutes a family but by no means is a part of the marital relationships. Since the child is not directly part of the marital relationship then why would the child be given the place as a mediator or confidant for an adults.  Children are told from birth how they resemble one parent or the other so when one parent makes derogatory remarks about the other parent the child feels that in some way they are also being put down.   It is hard enough to be a child in the world we now live in without having to be the referee of an on going fight between the two most important people in their life.

Many parents today feel that they have to have an ali in their battles, without thinking that their child should be able to remain neutral.  Putting a child in the middle of the arguments makes the child feel that he or she has to choose between a mother or a father.  Studies show that when a child constantly complained to about their other parent, feel as though they are themselves being attacked which can lead to a lowered self esteem, lack of interest, depression, lower grades in school, sleep problems and withdrawal. A well adjusted child is allowed to be a child not a confidant for a disgruntled parent.  Not only should you not vent to your child you should not even fight in front of your child because studies show that the effects can be detrimental to your child's well being.

Parents whether married or divorced should never involve the child in their disputes. Even though the child may not be present during the fight if you vent to your child about what his or her other parent has done that you don't approve of then you are involving them in the situation.  Think about it would you as an adult go to a child for advice?  No, of course not then why would you as an adult consult with a child about a dispute you had with another adult. 

Remember your child is a child only once and why would you as a parent want to waste one moment of their childhood on solving an adult problem.  Your child will have many disputes through out his or her life so let his or her childhood be as peaceful as possible.

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