by Miranda Miller-Smith

Created on: January 04, 2010

It is easy to assume that the partner who works from home has it easy. They have no commute, they can wear whatever they want, and they do not have to deal with office politics or drama.  I am the half who works from home. I frequently have to give my husband a reality check. He assumes my days are of a fairy tale quality and that I spend my time relaxing in front of the television in my pajamas. Oh, if that were only true!

When tension runs high around our house because of our situation, with my husband working outside of the home, I ask him to specify what is bothering him. I listen to his concerns, issues, jealousies and complaints. I give him the chance to be heard. I thank him for the contribution he makes to our family. I then ask him “What do you think I do all day?” His response never ceases to amaze and sometimes anger me.

Normally he replies “you sleep in, you watch television, you talk on the phone, you play with the dogs, you spend too much time on the computer.” He has threatened to take my laptop away from me on particularly bad days.

I then show him the agenda I keep for each day. On a normal day this agenda is filled with activities and assignments that begin around 8 am and aren’t finished until 8 pm that night. I write, I attend online classes, I study, I manage to keep our home immaculate and I make sure his needs are met. He always has clean clothes and a wonderful meal awaiting him that night.

Sometimes sharing my agenda is not always helpful, so I remind him I hold a 7 day a week job. I do not take a day off on the weekend to relax, and on the rare occasion that I do find time to enjoy myself, the following day is even longer.

My advice when dealing with a partner who works from home is simple. While it is perfectly understandable and natural to feel frustrated, annoyed and possibly jealous over the situation, it is also not considered to be ‘work’ if your partner is lounging all day long!

When you are especially upset, you should be able to discuss your issues with your partner. If your partner is not earning money, bring that up. If your home is a disaster area, mention that.

My husband has tried to be sneaky and show up at our house during his lunch hour when he specifically says he won’t be home. He thinks he will ‘catch’ me chilling out and enjoying myself to the fullest extent. The look on his face when he sees I either have my nose in a textbook, or I am writing up a storm, pounding words out for an article, is priceless.

I work from home in addition to continuing my education and taking on the duty of a housewife. My days are not easy; I work my rear end off on most days. I do not enjoy the luxury of sleeping in very often, and I work through my ‘lunch break’. I bring home the bacon too.

So, in a nutshell if you have serious issues with your partner working from home calmly ask “How do you spend your days?” Listen and consider the answer you are given. Think about the money your partner brings in from working at home, and also the benefits of this situation. While it might not be easy to relate to your partner, if they are bringing in an income, they are working.

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