by Robin Tidwell

Created on: January 03, 2010   Last Updated: January 05, 2010

The phone rings.  It's your worst nightmare.  Whether your teen attends a day school or a boarding school, you are advised to come pick him up immediately; he's been expelled.

Your first feeling might be confusion  - you weren't expecting this, even if your teen was having difficulties, even if this school might have been a last resort.  If your teen has never caused a day of trouble in his life, you might even be in shock.  And it might take several phone calls or meetings to actually get to the bottom of the situation.

Kids are seldom expelled from school for no reason.  Most of the time, you must trust that school administrators have investigated and made the right decision; they are responsible for their school as a whole, not just your student.  However, this doesn't necessarily mean that you should merely accept whatever they tell you.

Listen carefully, and take notes.  Question your teen, more than once if needed.  Talk to other parents involved, or whose students were present.  You may wish to consult an attorney.

By all means, do not bluster and threaten; school expulsions are not usually the result of an instant decision, but are often the end of the line for a teenager, a cumulative result of his prior behavior.  You might be, in fact probably are, completely aware on some level that this was a possibility.

Once you have determined, through investigation and conversation, that this expulsion was warranted and that no legal action should be taken, you need to deal with your teen and with the rest of your own emotions.

Gear up.  This could be a battle, on many levels.

It may be rather pointless to insist that your teen tell you "why" he did whatever he was found guilty of doing; he may not know the answer, because often an impulsive teenage brain can't come up with anything that makes sense, or he may simply lie to you.  He might even continue to deny his involvement, or try to point fingers at someone else.  Take all this with a grain of salt.

You likely trusted the school administrators enough to send your teen to their school, and so you must trust them to have made the right decision.  You've also done your own inquiry and probably have come to the same conclusion: your teen is guilty.  Don't waste time trying to find out "why", leave that to professionals.  Your first job, as a parent, is to take care of your teen.

A psychologist, counselor, or even a psychiatrist

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