by Marcy Buzzelli

Created on: December 31, 2009

Although I consider myself of average intelligence, there are days when I feel like an absolute genius compared to other people.  The most recent case in point was the gift of a new coffeemaker, no longer called a coffee pot.  How difficult can it be to make a cup of coffee since all that is required is water and coffee?  Once I decided to look at the instruction manual and discovered that the English section was 17 pages long, I learned just how complicated getting a caffeine jolt was.  I also learned that the general population must be a lot dumber than I thought. 

The manufacturer warned the user never to subject the glass decanter to sharp blows or to drop it on a hard surface. Are there really people out there who need to be warned that glass will break if pounded with a steel hammer or if dropped on the ceramic floor?  Are the neighbors that idiotic? A second warning from the manufacturer gave me pause and caused me to scratch my head.  Who needs to be warned not to immerse an electrical power cord into water while plugging it into an electrical socket?  Surely anyone who has tried this no longer needs a cup of coffee. 

Via the owner’s manual, the manufacturer warns the new owner never to use the coffee maker for other than its intended purpose.  After I scratched my head over this instruction, I tried to figure out what else I could use the coffee maker for that would irritate the manufacturer.  Obviously, with its clear glass pot, it would be a perfect temporary home for that goldfish just won at the school fair.  When it was necessary to clean the “fish bowl,” the coffee filter basket would come in handy.  With just a little creativity and complete stupidity, coffee makers have endless uses that will void your warranty!

As I was plowing my way through the lengthy, and completely stupid, instruction booklet, I learned how to wash the pot in warm sudsy water and then to dry it thoroughly to avoid water spots.  This helpful advice will be very useful after the goldfish moves on to a more permanent home. When I arrived at the “Troubleshooting” part of the manual, I knew that society was in trouble.  One problem the manufacturer suggested that might occur was that the coffee would not brew.  What was the manufacturer’s suggestion for a solution?  Plug the unit in!  Another problem the manufacturer suggested that might occur was that the coffeemaker only brews water.  What was the manufacturer’s suggested cure for this problem?  Add coffee grounds to the unit!

After laughing my way through the instruction booklet, I concluded that stupidity must be quite prevalent in our society today.

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