by Celia Winchester

Created on: December 31, 2009   Last Updated: March 01, 2012

Control is an issue that affects everyone, whether we are aware of it or not. However, balance of control in a relationship is something that is necessary. If someone constantly has the upper-hand or is abused mentally, physically, or socially mayhem can ensue.

I remember growing up as a child and watching my mother be abused by my stepfather. In the beginning it started with him wanting her to quit her job. She didn't need to be working with his large stockbroker salary coming in. Her skills were better suited for the home; cleaning the house, raising the children, and making his dinner.  Quickly she became dependant on her meager weekly allowance.

As the months of their quickly rushed into marriage began to pass by, his controlling became more obvious. Soon her cell phone bills were scanned to make sure that she was not talking to any other men. If something became suspicious, it was quickly dealt with the backside of a hand or a tighter grip on the fiances. It was usually after one of his unaccountable late nights that my mother would be greeted with an argument and a few bruises.

When my mother wanted to spend time as a family during the weekends, she was left alone, while my stepfather played golf with his buddies. Every question was met with an argument filled with insults and defensive remarks. Every attempt at protecting herself or her children was met with a fist or a blunt object. Her once happy home became a prison. Her once picture perfect marriage, simply an illusion. Had she known what to look for, she may have been able to save herself seven years of torment.

When one person in a relationship takes control over the other, the issue needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. No one should have their lives dictated by another person. A person with control issues is always someone insecure. They are not comfortable with themselves; therefore, they boss others around. Control comes in different forms throughout a relationship; whether, the control is over money, how a partner spends their time, who they speak to, or where they go.

If one feels trapt in your realtionship, then it is a sign that they should escape sooner rather than later. Any exstensive form of control will only lead to more problems, which may head down a violent road. One must be aware of the tale tell signs of control and know when to say, "enough is enough."

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