by Joanne Smith

Created on: December 30, 2009   Last Updated: January 06, 2010

Humans are programmed to suit our own needs and interests and we do this in the way we sort out the people in our lives.  We begin sorting our relationships at a very young age deciding which children we would share our toys with, which kids we would sit next to at lunch and which kids would be picked last for gym class.  As we grew older our decisions of whom we would intermingle with became less of our decision and more of an environmental factor.  Our boss, our teachers and the partners we were paired up with had nothing to do with us and everything to do with our environment.  The one skill we applied to those situations is one I think many of us forget to apply to our chosen relationships, the skill to accept someone for what they bring to the table.

A boss provides us with the requested tasks and then the financial reward for completing what was asked of us.  You accept the personality traits of your boss, you even adapt your own language and hone in your perspectives on controversial topics to eliminate possible consequences.  You have the ability to look past your boss’ short comings as long as your need, your paycheck is there.  The skill of looking beyond what you want someone to be, and appreciating what someone brings to the table is really the skill of managing your expectations.

I am very aware of my sensitive nature.  I sometimes struggle to separate my emotions from my rational mind.  My perception of someone being insensitive can come from a variety of places, my own experiences, my perception on what is happening and certainly my own personality.  Reality suggests something completely different.  My boundaries and expectations have to be let known before I can feel betrayed or hurt by someone’s perceived ignorance.  Otherwise I can not possible know the other person’s motives or background to make educated judgments on their actions.

We judge the world and the people in it everyday.  We make rash decisions based on how we expect those around us are going to behave.  If we smile we expect that those around us will smile back.  We do not leave room for their views on the act of smiling at a stranger.  They may have grown up learning not to encourage attention from someone you don’t know. We expect that when someone is given something that they exchange “Thank you” as being the appropriate response.  Some people do not feel

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