by Lenee Daniels

Created on: December 29, 2009   Last Updated: January 15, 2010

Intimacy is defined by Wikipedia as a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of entering deeply into a relationship through knowledge and experience of the other.  In other words, it is the type of closeness that most human beings crave.  Intimacy requires the ability to form a relationship with another that is based on reciprocal understanding, trust, genuine affection, and caring actions.  The feeling generated from intimacy is the antithesis of lonely.  Unfortunately, even though most people desire it with all their hearts, it can be very allusive for some. 

Intimacy grows with time and works best in relationships where a solid friendship exists.  It is not to be confused with the chemical rush of “falling in love” or “love at first sight.”  If a relationship is rushed in to, what feels like intimacy, but is probably chemical attraction, may quickly wane as time proceeds.  True intimacy will gradually occur as the landmarks detailed below are implemented along with the test of time.  In order to close the gap and arrive at closeness, a couple must stop at all four of the following destinations on the road map to intimacy.

Landmark#1:  Be Vulnerable.  This requires the ability to trust others and the willingness to open up and risk getting hurt.  Vulnerability is a difficult task for people who have a history of being let-down, lied to, or otherwise deceived by his or her partner.  However, it is helpful to remember that this is a new relationship with a new person.  Consciously try not to transfer old feelings on to a new and/or different relationship.  If one partner constantly finds himself in hurtful relationships, it may be time to look inward and figure out why there is an attraction to that type of person.

Landmark #2:  Cultivate Transparency.  This requires each partner to let their guard down and allow each other to know the real person inside.  Having interpersonal awareness is helpful, along with the willingness to share thoughts and feelings (which requires being vulnerable) even though they may not always be the same.  People pleasers take note.  A genuine response is necessary for cultivating true intimacy.  If a couple truly loves each other, differences will be respected as well as similarities.

Landmark #3:  Effectively Communicate.  So far, each step enhances the next

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