by Andrew Davies

Created on: December 28, 2009

Friendship before dating? It's a new concept to me. Over the years, to many to think about, I have literally gone from one relationship to another. I have always been of the opinion that as one door closes, another one opens. Now after the failure of yet another long term relationship, which has produced 4 lovely children, which I love dearly, I have taken a huge step back and looked at where I was going wrong. Although my parents have been divorced for 10 years, I always remember my father telling me that my mum was his best friend. Did that friendship develop as the relationship grew? I wish I had the fore-sight to ask my father instead of blundering my way through relationship after relationship, finding out that my partner and I wanted different things and had a different out-look on life.

Now, having moved a long way from home, I am seeing some-one who I have known for 2 years as a friend. That friendship has grown, to the point where we have developed very strong feelings of love for each other. We both know that there is potential for a really close, strong, loving relationship, based on the foundations we laid down during our friendship, respect, trust, the ability to read each other and the open-ness and companionship we have.

We are very comfortable around each other, we can talk about anything and everything. I consider her to be my best friend. I am one of her closest friends, her other being her lomg-time school friend, but that's a girl-thing. Having a woman as your best friend is different to having a man as your best friend!

So now after many years of long-term relationships with short-term happiness, I can truly say, hand on heart, that my future partner really is my best friend. So now if anybody asks this Old Fool for advice on relationships, I can positively say that it is always best to form a friendship before diving into a full-blown relationship. A true friendship is something that does not have to be worked at, it should flow naturally. And this is how the best relationships should be. Naturally flowing, naturally developing. Yes we all know that relationships require compromise and sometimes hit the occasional sticky-patch, but that is where the friendship part of the relationship comes into it's own.

As friends, in a relationship, because the ability to discuss problems is there, the problems in the relationship are talked about, discussed and therefore, eventually, and hopefully, ironed out. If you talk to couples who have been together for over 40 years, many will say that the secret to a long, happy relationship/marriage, is the fact that they are best friends, companions,soul-mates.

So before you look at that guy/girl in the bar and think to yourself "I would have a relationship with her", ask yourself this, could he/she be my best friend? Good friends are hard to find, and the best friendships last a life-time.

I have learned, through my mistakes, and am now a very happy, and VERY lucky man indeed!

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