by Chris Folsum

Created on: December 26, 2009

When I hear the "Little Drummer Boy" during this time of year, I feel like I am 6 years old again.  I smell my Nanny's persimmon cookies, I can picture so clearly the chips and dip, I can even taste the dip she always made...just a simple onion dip, but oh, it was so good.  There was always a box of Sees Candies, my favorite was and is peanut clusters.  Suddenly when I hear that song I picture my Nanny's nativity scene she kept on the mantle of her fireplace on a spread of glittery cotton which was supposed to be snow.  There was Mary, Joseph the wisemen and the little baby Jesus in his manger.  I'd play with them as I stood on the hearth my legs getting toasty in their white tights waiting for my cousin to show up so we could open all our presents.  I really loved that nativity scene and wish I knew whatever became of it.  I could sure have used it today.  Today was the first Christmas that knowing Nanny was there, older now, and unable to host holiday parties and meals, but the knowledge of her presence kept the memory alive.  Today all I had was a memory. 

My Nanny made Christmas what Christmas has always been with those simple little traditions of putting the same decorations I loved so much out, and playing the same Christmas Carol album while she cooked and got things ready for our night ahead.  I always loved Christmas Eve more as a kid that Christmas day, because I got to go to my Nanny and Papa's.  I loved their home, I can still smell my Nanny she often had oniony smelling hands.  Papa always smelled like VO5 hair gel.. 

Those were the best Christmas' of my life.  Even though over the years my holiday routine changed our life changes, when I think of Christmas and what it should be, I think of the Christmas's at my grandparents house.  Nanny believed in traditions in those days, we ate roastbeef every Sunday for supper not dinner.  She never varied in those days on what food we would have before opening our gifts, on where and how the decorations would be arranged.  It was always the same during a time of my life that I needed that the most. 

When I was in my early twenties I had a lot of problems and I spent Christmas in jail one year.  I attended church that day in jail and we sang Silent Night.  Memories of those Christmas Eve celebrations at my grandparents flooded over me like a tidal wave and I cried about as much as I'm crying now...at that time I was grieving the loss of the little girl I once was.  Today I grieve the loss of my the woman I could only hope to be like one day to a granddaughter or grandson. 

I miss you Nanny.  Thank you for the beautiful memories.  I'll keep them with me until we meet again someday.

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