by Matthew J. Geiger

Created on: December 24, 2009

Love is the binding force behind our social connections that ensures people cooperate to the benefit of the whole.  Because this emotion is so essential to the human condition that our brains react powerfully to these good feelings, love is also a chance for great hurt.  By cheapening or denying feelings of love, our fear of love can be quelled as we leave ourselves far less vulnerable.

There are many ways to avoid love.  While some evade even basic connections with others, there are those who seek out superficial relationships to satisfy their need for love.  In fact, some of these fake partnerships can last years to lifetimes.  Similarly, others engage in ongoing sexual exploits to satisfy their need to feel close to someone, yet little to no emotional connection actually exists.  On a personal and social level, these avoidance strategies can be very damaging to such individuals as well as those who try to connect with them.

Past experiences, especially when they are very significant, influence our current behavior.  Beyond previous romances, relationships, which have ended in hurt or lacked substance, can cause a person to reject love.  From a falling out with a first love to the absence of a father, these past relationships can continue to dramatically affect a person’s social connections.  Because such past relationships impacted us at key moments in our lives or were extremely traumatic, they aversely shape our behavior to this day.

Furthermore, the experiences of others can also influence us.  Watching parents, siblings, or friends in bad relations has the potential to turn anyone away from love.  On the other hand, the positive relationships of others or the yearning for these seemly perfect relationships can also drive a person away from others.  In such cases, an individual’s standards are so high he or she fears forming a relationship with a less than ideal person could thwart his or her chance at meeting his or her true love.

In addition, love requires a certain degree of selflessness as well as a change from a self-centered lifestyle.  Intimacy demands two individuals share themselves, thus love can be very scary to someone who is comfortable in his or her lifestyle as well as someone who fears a diminishment of his or her lifestyle.  In all, a fear of change is a paranoia that prevents a lot of people from experiencing life to its full extent and this can include the experience of love.

A fear of love can deny a person a very rich connection with someone very special.  Although people may try to substitute true intimacy with other types of arrangements, which appear to be love, they cannot.  Pain is something that is easy to fear and can make us react poorly; however, pain should not decide who we are nor what we do.  In all, a fear of love is difficult to overcome, especially if it is hidden, but the reward of honest, true love can far outweigh the pain of failed relationships.

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