by Angie Lewis

Created on: December 22, 2009   Last Updated: December 23, 2009

To help the alcoholic you love you first must help yourself. You will never be able to help the alcoholic until you help yourself.  Alcohol addiction tends to involve everyone the alcoholic is in contact with on some kind of level. Those who are in the path of the alcoholic, usually a spouse, desperately need to know how to emotionally detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. In some cases the mental, emotionally and even physical abuse is so bad that couples must separate.

If the alcoholic begins to get mouthy by calling you names and putting you down, you must leave the room or the house. Remember, the alcoholic is sick and when they drink they are more apt to have emotional outbursts and flared tempers. Don’t allow this abuse to sit in your head where it festers and causes emotional problems for yourself.

Let it go in one ear and out the other, literally! You can do this when you understand that part of the sickness of alcoholism is the underlying emotional pain harbored within the alcoholic. Loved ones are usually a scapegoat and temporary outlet for the alcoholic to emotionally unload their demons on, so to speak. I know this first hand because I have been there and done that.

Remember, most of what comes out of the mouth of an alcoholic is the addiction talking. Never take what they say as the gospel truth. When the alcoholic drinks they think they know everything and they may try and get you to believe in the lies and manipulation they are forcing on you. This is how the loved one or enabler becomes sick with the alcoholic. They believe what the alcoholic tells them, at least for a while.

Alcoholics favorite quotes are:

“I am not an alcoholic”.

“I can stop drinking anytime.”

“I promise I will never drink again”

“You are the one with the problem, not me”.

“I only drink to unwind” 

“Oh no, I don’t have a drinking problem”. 

“I drink because you treat me bad”.

“I’ll stop drinking when you stop ____”. 

Even though none of the above is true the alcoholic may truly believe that what they tell you is true. In their mind, if they are in denial, they may actually believe they can quit just because they say so, but unfortunately addiction doesn’t work like that.

One thing that confuses the alcoholic is when you start taking care of yourself, such as reading the bible, praying for them, going to ALANON classes and taking up

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