In my opinion, Lorena Bobbitt handled her volatile relationship with style and grace. For those who don't know the Lorena Bobbitt saga, let me recap. Her husband, John came home in a drunken stupor. He commenced to raping her - again. Four years of his physical and mental abuse raced through her head as she stood in the kitchen afterwards. She snapped. The carving knife on the counter found its way into her hand - while rage of being treated like an animal blazed through her altered state of mind.
As John lay passed out, Lorena severed his penis with the carving knife. "In her mind, it was his penis from which she could not escape - which caused her the most pain. The most fear. The most humiliation," Lorena's lawyer said. She left with the severed penis and drove for a short while, then rolled down the car window and tossed John's penis into a field.
Okay, maybe style and grace isn't the best way to describe Lorena Bobbitt's execution of her turmoil. But John shouldn't have brought a penis to a knife fight. I know, I know, that was tacky, but John didn't stop the violence against women. After they reattached his penis two other women charged him with domestic abuse – ladies and gentlemen, that's tragic. What will it take for this man to learn domestic violence is not in his best interest? Is he so mentally deranged that even after the dismemberment of his penis, he still can't stop himself? And, do all abusers have this mentality? I guarantee you, a bad haircut would make me change my ways!
EMOTIONAL EFFECTS…
The immediate focus is the physical injuries suffered by victims. The emotional and psychological abuse inflicted has longer term impacts. Coupled with depression, victims may suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Symptoms like flashbacks, intrusive imagery, nightmares, anxiety, emotional numbing, insomnia, hyper-vigilance, and avoidance of traumatic triggers. Lorena obviously suffered from flashbacks, depression, intrusive imagery and emotional numbing at the time of the penis detachment.
The abuser uses intimidation, fear, verbal abuse or threats of violence to control their victim. They bully and terrorize until their victim is utterly beat down to just a shell of a being. Consequently, that causes victims to be isolated from friends, family, neighbors and their network of support. Victims live in fear, embarrassment and isolation in their own homes. No hope, no self-esteem, no connection to the outside world. Their world consists of mustering every bit of strength and courage - just to struggle through each day to stay safe.
Provided the abuser “allows” his victim to hold employment, it doesn't take long for the victim to lose their job. Victims have enormous absenteeism and job performance is lacking.
Domestic Violence is the major cause of injury to women - foregoing, auto accidents, rapes or muggings. As abused women grow older the physical injuries they have incurred further cause arthritis, hypertension and heart disease.
The fear of leaving outweighs any attempt of escape. Until…someone intervenes or it gets so bad survival is next to impossible. The victim would rather be dead at this point. Either they stay and end up severely injured or dead - or they escape and end up free of the abuser or dead. Which would you rather?
The victim may deny their abuse for awhile due to embarrassment. If you believe you know someone living in such violence, don't give up asking about their well being. They have to dig up the courage to say it out loud. The abuser has them believing the lies he tells. Such as, “You're worthless”, “You're nothing without me…no one else will want you”, “You disgust me…how stupid can you really be?” Just to mention a few.
Children...
Child abuse and domestic violence usually go hand in hand. In the instances that child abuse is not involved, the mental effects on the children are very much present. They carry guilt, embarrassment and low self-esteem. Many times the children blame themselves for the violence or not being able to save their mother from the abuse. Male children will grow up to be abusers as it is all they know. Female children are usually victims of domestic violence because this is the example of how they are to be treated.
SURVIVORS…
Survivors of domestic violence spend a life time to overcome the mental effects. Some never regain the emotional ability to connect with another spouse. The numbness instilled during the abuse is near impossible to conquer. The vows “to have and to hold”, “to love and to cherish”, seemingly are lies – a betrayal. Imagine living in such fear and wretchedness that every day at four-thirty a knot forms in your stomach because you know in six minutes he will walk through the door. You pray he had a good day because if not you will be the scapegoat. Your body tenses when the front door opens and you prepare to survive the evening's violent episode.
Some victims never recover from the mental effects. Others seek counseling and learn coping skills. The scars are forever embedded on the victims psyche. Survivors have a strong will to survive and although the scars are there so is the determination to make the most of life.