by Michelle Brutvan

Created on: December 21, 2009

There’s something to be said for one’s surroundings and how they can be affected by them. The positive or negative that can arise based on your life experiences or who you choose to surround yourself with can have a tremendous impact on your personality and how it develops. I’ve been through many a negative situation and have seen how it has changed my personality for the long term. Here’s my testimonial of how I’ve become the woman I am today and hope it can inspire or help any others out there who may have gone through the same.

Once upon a time, I was a very passive and submissive person, relenting to the suggestions of someone who I thought was a friend.  She offered advice to help build and guide me to what I believed to be a productive path, but found out down the line, she was trying to bring me down. I trusted her with my deepest fears and also shared with her my dreams. I thought she was there to support me, but experienced her hidden jealousy to degrees I cannot explain. Times when I felt confident about myself, she turned on me and made me feel horrible for who I really wanted to be. She was the one I thought was my best friend and whom I could trust completely. I came to find out she wasn't who I thought she was and over time became my worst enemy.

Over years of slowly realizing her damaging effects, I broke away and found confidence to seek out on my own what I was foolishly dependent on her for; my own self-worth. I look back and understand how her mental abuse, disguised as friendship, had a negative effect on me. My ability to trust anyone who attempts to get close to me now is marred. I’ve seen how my personality has morphed to a more aggressive one, set on protecting me. I used to be so naïve, believing and trusting one’s word to be the truth. I found in this unhealthy friendship, that this very same sacred trust can be taken advantage of. It is clear to me now that this supposed friend had major psychological issues of her own, revealing her resentment towards her father. She took it out on me and I was the fool to take the beating mentally.

This story, intense as it is embarrassing, has demonstrated to me just how one can survive even the most tumultuous relationship and still come out sane. It’s not to say there hasn’t been long term damage. I know many have gone through such a scenario where you thought someone was there to help and guide you in your most vulnerable and impressionable

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