by Jeffrey Freeman

Created on: December 21, 2009

The smoke rises into the air lazily
From a smoldering cigarette
Resting casually between my lips

My brown eyes stare forward
Seeing everything laid out before me
And yet, seeing nothing at all

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing here
I feel like I'm caught in a vivid dream
And at any moment I will awaken

As each day passes and another match is lit
Reality begins to feel more and more unreal

The dreams begin to feel more and more real

I begin to wonder if I am even real
Or if I am just a figment of my own imagination
So vivid and so real, yet vague and unreal

The cherry-red embers of the cigarette glow
The smoke wafts through the air
Burning my lips and stinging my eyes

It is a mild discomfort but it is real
A sensation that anchors me to this world
Making my mind realize that I am real

The stench of the burnt sulphur
The smoldering match lies in the ash tray
While my cigarette rests between my lips

I hate the taste of cigarettes
The way they dry out the back of my mouth
Making me feel like I want to throw up

The foul taste that lingers behind
Alerts my mind to the surroundings
The world around me is my reality

The euphoric sensation that spreads through me
With each and every intake on the cigarette
Contradicts what my mind is telling me

I feel the authenticity of the world around me
While all the same I feel caught up in a dream
Like I am floating away on air

It is only when I extinguish the cigarette
When its life is snuffed out
That I realize that realness of the situation

The reality is there and it is not a dream
The cigarette calms me down and soothes me nerves
It allows me to clearly seperate the real from the unreal

I seperate the real from the unreal
And I feel the pain in my heart grow
The first cigarette is to distinguish

I strike a second match and it flares to life
The tiny flame ignites the second cigarette
The second is to numb the pain in my heart

So for another ten minutes I sit
With a cigarette resting between my lips
And smoke rising lazily into the air

Learn more about this author, Jeffrey Freeman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.